Blogalicious

guest blogger ana fernatt: a note on saying no

OK, kids… today’s blog post is kind of a big deal.

In her recent travels, Ellie sat down for drinks with the Windy City’s answer to Carrie Bradshaw. She’s a brunette badass named Ana Fernatt who writes about dating & sex for Chicago newspaper RedEye. She’s a woman who threw a “Back on the Market” party after her last breakup and invited the whole damn city.  Her awesome blog is called Accidentally Sexy and we’ve been reading it religiously at PKHQ, but we bribed her with our “better than sex” chocolates and — lo and behold — she wrote something just for our readers.  Heeeeeeeeeeere’s Ana (cue Sex & the City theme song):

a note on saying no

For many children, “no” is one of, if not the, first word(s) they learn.  Once learned, they can refuse eating peas, taking a bath, going to sleep…it’s awesome!  Suddenly, the scales begin to tip slightly from doing things they have to do to doing things they like to do…all by refusing things they don’t want to do.  Taste buds bored eating peas could instead be excited by cake.  Time wasted going to sleep could be used to just stay up and play.  Of course, the weary parent will eventually win and we learn that eating vegetables and getting rest is actually good for us, but learning the value of “no” is an important first step to developing your individuality.

Somewhere along the line, we lose this conviction for no.  Honestly, sometimes it’s just easier to say yes.  There are less challenges and fewer hurdles with yes.  “Yes, I’ll try that.” “Yes, I’ll do this.”  Certainly, it’s a good idea to push forward and try new things, but it only has value if it helps you determine the difference between what works and what doesn’t.

No is the word of discernment.  It is the setting of standards.  To say no and mean it is to be confident enough to refuse things that do not make you fully happy.  That seems simple enough, right?  Oh, I wish it were!  The fact is, as we get older, we begin to doubt our ability to say no.

In dating, we allow oftentimes ourselves to go along with the flow.  We’re not really saying yes, but we’re not really saying no either.  By dating a guy that you don’t particularly like or putting up with a negative attitude, we are forgetting that we really don’t have to do either.  You can make the decision to stand up for what you really want and, more importantly, need, just by saying no and meaning it.  By saying no and identifying clearly that this is not what you want, you can eliminate the toxic dudes, timewasters and dating decisions that weigh you down.  By sweeping away the bad, you leave room for what you actually want.  Less peas, more cake!  Less sleep, more play!

It’s only in giving power to the word “no” that you can finally give power to the word “yes.”

pk2u,

ana