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guest blogger chiara turns the future sideways
- , 9/7/2011We knew there was something special about blogger Chiara Mazzucco when she wrote us a while back, telling us about her badass blog and thanking us for doing what we’re doing. But we didn’t know until we read the guest blog post she whipped up for us that she has special superpower: hindsight. It’s a crazy powerful thing, and you’ll see more of it in her book, coming out later this year. Meanwhile, put Gwen Stefani’s song “Cool” on in the background while you read this & watch Chiara leap tall buildings in a single bound.
pk2u,
ellie
How My Ex Ended Up at My Wedding
By Chiara of ChiaraSays.com
There I stood, clammy hands and all, looking deep into the eyes of the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. My best friend was crying, his best friend was laughing and in the chaos of it all stood my ex boyfriend – grin on his face – snapping pictures with his camera. How the hell did we get here?
It was just 10 years ago that my heart had fallen victim to his charm. We dated for only a year… and it was the longest year of my life. We were obsessed with each other; our good days were great days and our bad days felt like Armageddon. He’d break my heart and send a plane over my house with a banner apologizing the next day. He had cheated on me twice and I had taken him back both times. He was the most suffocating drug addiction and I just couldn’t give him up.
Things got bad: he hurt me more and more and I just got crazier and crazier. I could hardly recognize myself. I knew he was a bad guy – consciously inflicting pain on me – yet I stayed up every night, wishing he would call with a sudden change of heart. I then found out he hadn’t just cheated on me twice… but had actually cheated on me with over ten girls (half of which WERE MY FRIENDS).
I looked into the mirror and said enough is enough. The next few months of my life were the hardest I ever had to live through. I didn’t really have friends to catch me because most of them had hooked up with my boyfriend… go figure. So I did it alone.
I started a blog and wrote through the heartache. I suffered as the relationship inevitably lingered, but I held strong. The world around me progressively darkened, and I could no longer see my own reflection but I knew that one day I was going to be okay again – I had to, right? I had seen the movies; I knew the cycle: girl meets boy, boy breaks girl’s heart, girl cries and eats ice cream, girl meets new, totally non douchey amazing guy and they live happily ever after.
And I remember waking up one day and seeing a ray of light shine through the window curtain. Cheesy? Totally. But I kid you not: I took a deep breath and just knew my life was starting over.
After him, I never took shit from a man again. I learned to stand up for myself, and knew what I deserved. I made men earn my love and devotion. I’m now happily married. I started my blog in the name of the reality slap I needed when I was heartbroken. I now devote my time to telling YOU that YOU’RE worth it.
Years later, I apologized for being crazy and he apologized for breaking my heart. We were, after all, absolutely unprepared for the emotions to come. He is now one my closest friends and I’d never change a thing.
4 Responses to “guest blogger chiara turns the future sideways”
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I am so glad you posted this, because I am 9 days into a horrible break up. And I so hope that I will eventually get my happy ending. Even though right now it feels like taking a roller coaster ride threw an emotional hell.
I don’t understand how you can not only be friends but close friends. Your story sounds so much like mine, minus the ray of sunshine and new beau. It took so much to break free, and I do not see how I could ever let such toxicity into my life again. And I could not apologize for being crazy because he knowingly made me that way. He cheated with no conscience. He lied with such conviction about his love for me! I could not be a friend to him. Ever. He would be lucky if I could be bothered to look at my watch and give him the time of day.
@Tiffany: 9 days into MY break up, I was banging my face against shattered glass – just to put things in perspective. I could have sworn Armageddon would hit before I ever saw the light of day again… But it came. It came with a happy ending to boot. It takes time but the first breath you take when you’re finally free is the most amazing breath you’ll ever experience
I PROMISE.
@Bren : Everyone’s story is different. No matter how alike they may sound. First of all, it’s worth noting that it took us A LONG time to get to where we are; it was definitely not an overnight process. And for a while, I did keep him and his toxicity out of my life because that’s what I needed to do to heal. But for me, I needed forgiveness as well. I needed to incorporate that into the overall healing process. Once I was able to do that, more time passed before we even started talking again. He know’s he’s lucky to have me in his life and makes it no secret that he was a shitty shitty person in the past. The point of this particular post was to show I took the control over the break up, which seems to me is exactly what YOU did as well. I posted an article on my site on whether exes can be friends.. On it, I specifically state that some assholes are better left in the past. Many women would admire your strength <3