Blogalicious

let’s do the time warp again

A year ago today, I broke up with someone with whom I’d just started getting kind of serious, and it ripped me apart a lot more than I thought it would.  I’ve written about it a smidge here and there over the past 12 months, but today, when I look back on that particular night when it ended, I have to shake my head at how absolutely broken I was over the whole thing.  In retrospect, it’s almost sort of silly, even though my feelings at the time were real.

There’s a day in the Betty Plan, toward the end, where we instruct you to write a letter to yourself.  The point is to think back to your lowest moment after your breakup and write words of encouragement to that past version of you, who could most definitely use a little reassurance that she’s going to be okay.  Today, exactly one year after my last breakup, I’ve got some news to share with the 2010 edition of myself.  Here goes:

Oh hi there.  This is you from the future. No, this isn’t a joke.  I’m writing you because… well, being from the future and all, I know what’s about to happen in your life.  I want to give you fair warning about the crap that’s about to go down… but to ease the burn, I also want to blow your mind a little.

Some kid is going to break your heart tonight.   You just had an amazing time in New York with him, but now, kaboom — it’s about to be over.  It sucks.  You’re going to spend the next few weeks kicking yourself, frustrated, wondering what the hell was wrong with you for thinking he might be there for the long haul.  But soon enough you’ll figure out what the problem was: he really was genuinely just a kid.  A nice kid, but a KID.  Seriously, Aim.  He’s got a lot of growing up to do, and you’ve known it from the start.

You’re always talking about how short life is, and that’s precisely why you’re going to call it off tonight, even though it’s the last thing you want to do.  But listen: you’re doing the right thing.  Sure, you’re going to regret it for a little while, and it’s going to hurt like hell — but eventually the regret will be replaced with perspective, which is a much nicer thing to have in the end.

In the meantime, let me give you a little preview of what’s about to happen (after tonight and the next few weeks, that is, because there’s no use in reliving that all over again.  Trust me.)

You’re going to do some cool stuff this year. You’re going to accomplish things in the next twelve months that you never thought you could.  Your emotional and intellectual limits are going to be tested, and you’re going to rise to the occasion.

If we’re being honest, you’re going to screw some things up, too, so brace yourself. I’d really love it if you wouldn’t have too much wine at Pedram’s party next week and drunk-text the ex like a total amateur even though you are the creative director for a site whose sole purpose it is to help girls get over breakups AND ENCOURAGE THEM NOT TO DO DUMB THINGS LIKE DRUNK TEXT THE EX.  But hey.  You’re only going to do it once, and then you’re going to smack yourself for it, and then you’re going to move on like you’ve got some sense. So, just… yeah.  Let’s keep right on going, because he doesn’t get to take up any more of your time than he already has.

Here’s a big one: you’re going to spend Christmas this year completely on your own. Before you freak out, though, let me assure you: it’s going to be a defining moment in your life, and the coolest part is, you’ll realize it as it’s happening.  You’ll start your new year off right and sail into a period of redefinition that you’ll someday look back on with fondness.  You’re strong.  You’re resilient.  And you’re about to prove it to yourself, yet again.

Five months from now, you’re finally going to learn to ride a bike.  It’s going to look ridiculous, and yes, there will be pictures (sorry).

Also five months from now, you’re going to get bangs… like, full-on bangs, all the way across your forehead.  You’re going to be excited about it for approximately a day and a half, and then… well, let’s never do that again.  Not as a blonde, anyway.

Nine months from now, in one of your more spaztastic moments, just when you think you couldn’t possibly look like more of an ass, someone’s going to tell you you’re adorable.  And let me tell you something: that someone is cuuuute.

Almost a year from today, you’re going to read an article from Mindy Kaling that is going to make you damn near pee yourself from laughing so hard… it’s about what it’s like to go from dating boys to dating actual, honest-to-god men.  Real ones, with mortgages and character and plans for the future, and the ability to tell you straight up when they think you’re wrong without being a jerk about it, not to mention the ability to tell you how amazing they think you are and mean it, without turning tail and running away afterward.  You deserve one of those. And I don’t want to ruin it for you since I know you love surprises, but let me just say this: I’m pretty sure you’re going to get one.

The most important thing you’re going to do this year, though, is write your face off.  It’s what you were put on this earth to do, and you know it.  So snap open that MacBook (I’ll be through with it in just a second and then it’s all yours again) and get crackin’.  We’ve got some cool-ass stuff to do, you and I.  So let’s do it.

-amy