Wanna find your inner bombshell? Look no further. Stop right here.
Bombshells! There are all sorts of ways to get help around here. Find advice in my vlogs, peruse Bettyville for awhile, and of course you can always ask me directly. That’s exactly what I’m doing here today, answering one of our bombshell’s burning questions. Settle in, dolls. I’ll tell it to you straight.
I have been married for 44 years, I love my husband more than I love myself, he loves me, but he had an affair with my baby sister. 14 years younger. He is beside himself that I found out after it was over a few years. I am having a very hard time forgiving them, but they do want forgiveness. How can I get through this? I love them both with all my heart. They love me too, but it is very hard for me. Help me to get through this.
OK. There are a number of things in your email that broke my heart, but the main one is this: “I love my husband more than I love myself.”
Honey, this has to change. You HAVE to be able to love yourself in order to be happy and have truly healthy relationships in your life. You seem to be focusing a lot on how your husband and sister are feeling, and what they want and need from you. That probably comes naturally to you because you’re an empathetic person. But here’s the thing: what matters most right now is what YOU want. What YOU need. How YOU feel.
We absolutely recommend you talk with a counselor, first and foremost. Setting up a strong support network is vital right now. If you have friends you trust wholeheartedly, choose one or two to confide in, and find a good therapist in your area who can help you work through your emotions. It won’t be a quick process; it’s going to take a good deal of time and energy to work through the complexities in your life. I promise you this, though: if you honestly make a contract with yourself to give yourself time to grieve and heal and move past this, you’ll find strength you never knew you had, and you’ll rediscover amazing things about yourself that I bet you’ve forgotten all about. Whether she realizes it or not, there’s an immense amount of beauty in a woman who’s rising from the ashes like a phoenix.
This time in your life is tough… there’s no denying that. But you are a person of worth, and you deserve to be treated with care and respect by the people closest to you. Most importantly, you have to treat yourself with respect, and that means giving yourself the time and resources you need to move beyond what’s happened. Most of all, know this: you are NOT alone, and you WILL get through this.
P.S. Got a question for me? Shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org