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An Ending is an Opportunity by Carly Rowe

Our next winning PK VOICE entry comes from Carly Rowe. Pay attention here. Carly turned a breakup into an opportunity to do something that absolutely scared her and she’ll be the first person to tell you it’s far from easy. Making a major life decision doesn’t cure heartache instantly, but before you know it you will start to see the benefits of a new beginning. Thank you, Carly, for sharing this mantra you’ve embraced, so that other bombshells can too.

I came to Dallas completely broken. I had lost my grandfather, my boyfriend had left me and kicked me out of our home, and I had not had a job in over a year. I had no money, no car, no home – I was at rock bottom. Looking back, the bravest decision I have ever made in my life was to leave everything in Ohio behind and fly down to Texas with only a suitcase.

Running away is never a quick fix, and I learned the hard way that there is more to recovering than a change of location. I spent weeks in tears, constantly looking at myself in the mirror and wondering what was wrong with me. I wondered why I wasn’t good enough for anyone – a guy or an employer.

But it didn’t stay like this forever – nothing does. I don’t remember when exactly, but I started to smile more. I started to enjoy this new place around me. In time, I even had a job interview at an agency in Dallas.

Shortly after, I had my first real job in nearly two years. I had money. I had friends. And, despite my hesitancy, I was getting asked out again. Dates were awkward and uncomfortable in those first months. I apologize to the gentlemen who patiently put up with my self-doubt. I decided to focus on me, and soon enough I had my own loft in downtown Dallas.

And, when I was ready, something truly amazing happened.

It was early September, almost nine months after I arrived in Texas. I was working. I got a message from a former coworker. “Do you know who Black Star is?” I did but I wasn’t a huge fan, but I said yes. There was something appealing about meeting a new friend over sitting at home alone with no cable. “Would you want to go to a show with my coworker Chris?”

I was running late, he was already at the concert. I arrived alone and scanned the room. There were couples and groups. I found was a dorky looking kid in a grey sweater with pink stripes and messy hair. I don’t remember what I said, but I remember we hugged. It might have been awkward. As the night went on, I found myself looking at him. Saw him looking at me. Maybe my hand touched his first, as he says it did, or maybe it was his knee leaning into my leg.

At the end of the night, I started to walk home (I live only a few blocks away). He offered to drive and I offered him a drink on my roof that overlooks the city. We talked for a few hours. About life and exes and scars and tattoos, and all of the other battle wounds that brought us to where we were at that moment.

We stood on my roof looking out to the thousands of lights below us. I felt his face over that exposed shoulder as he leaned in to point out where he lived. It wasn’t my first kiss after my breakup, but for all intents and purposes it didn’t matter: this was a kiss that erased from history all kisses before it.

It’s been almost 9 months since first met. We live together. He’s my best friend, and I can’t imagine a time when I didn’t know him. This weekend he’s going to meet my family for the first time.

I have a tattoo on my ankle that reads, “The end is where we start from,” from a poem by TS Eliot. My advice to anyone who is going through a hard breakup (or really any life changing event) right now is this: an end leaves room for a new beginning. An end is an opportunity to start over. Start over today and do something different. You may not want to be as extreme getting on a plane to a new location, but you may try doing something out of the ordinary – like blind date to a Black Star concert.