tough spots - Printable Version
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tough spots - pookabeansjd - 03-21-2012 02:21 PM
I got divorced a year and a half ago. He was cheating on me and served me with paper the night I got home from taking the bar exam. (a wonderful friend tipped me off while I was driving home that night that it might happen). He told everyone in his office that I asked for the divorce. it took months afterwards for me to realize that he had been mentally abusing me for the 6 years we had been together (married for 1).
In any case, I moved 300 miles from there and back in with family. While I finally passed the bar and have been actively seeking jobs, I cannot help but get angrier at the time it has taken me to try and get back on my feet. He has been promoted, gotten remarried, and has a steady career with benefits, while I have worked odd jobs and am lucky when I get minimum wage and enough hours to pay my bills. I know karma will have its day with him, I cannot help but just get upset some days. (99% of the time, I never think of him or if I mention him I don't feel anything)
Not to mention that this lack of jobs business has prompted me to move again, another 700 miles north--away from family and my new boyfriend and caused me to have to give up my dog--all in search of opportunity.
I made a lot of mistakes by being with him, both personally and professionally. I am trying to make things right, and I have mended a lot of bridges that he forced me to burn with friends and family, but it does not fix the professional mistakes and the doors that have closed.
I don't like having pity parties because they do not help with anything, but I am just having a rough time trying to keep my head up.
RE: tough spots - hotpants - 04-04-2012 07:39 PM
My very first serious relationship was very similar to this, except we did not get married (thank goodness for that!). It took me a long time to process the anger I had toward him for cheating on me, emotionally abusing me, making it difficult for me to trust others in the future, etc. As time has gone on I've had other serious relationships and have felt like I was the one who got "burned" in the end, but I've learned to deal with it in a completely different way. When I get upset about my past relationships, I'll sit down and make a list of what I got out of it: friends I made, experiences I had, and things that I learned - and also importantly, mistakes I'll never make again! It's not a complete cure-all but it does help me quite a bit. Perhaps it will help you in those instances of anger and frustration!
RE: tough spots - pookabeansjd - 04-04-2012 09:13 PM
Yes, you are right. There has been a lot of good in the ashes. I have learned a lot and had some interesting experiences. I do not have many friends, as I was not very social to begin with, which I think is what also made recovering from the whole thing hard.
Generally I am good, and after that really bad day I have been ok. A lot of what is going on is a complication of stress from the general trauma of the divorce, plus moving, plus recovering, and then moving again and still trying to get on my feet. I have been homesick for the first time in my life. (and, I found someone who treats me like I deserve to be, and is patient with my personal recovery from my past, and I miss him terribly as well--which is also an unusual feeling). Lately I have just made things a bit harder on myself.
but thank you, that does help.