2 years ago next Tuesday I met a guy that was 7 years older then me. We started hanging out and eventually things escalated into an intimate relationship. About 2 weeks into us hanging out he told me he had a girlfriend that he no longer wanted to be with and was trying to end things with her. I told him we couldn't be anything more than friends, but eventually things took a different route. He was basically cheating on her with me for the last year and a half of their relationship. He'd always come to me and say how he's trying to break up with her but she just wouldn't have it. Last June it finally became official, atleast so I thought. She moved out of his house and out of his life. I wasn't going to push a relationship yet because he said since he just got out of a 3 year relationship he wanted to take his time and make sure things were right with me before jumping into another one. For the past few months I'd stay at his house and things were going okay. A few times his ex would show up unexpectedly, they always got into a big argument and I would just leave. Well this last time she showed up, she came through the door and talked to me. She said she thought she was being played a fool because she thought him and her were getting back together. I told her that him and I were working on a relationship. He told her to get out of his house and out of his life, that they were never going to get back together, he said they could try and be friends but not anymore due to the way she was acting. She got the rest of her stuff, they yelled, and she said she hope I was the girl that answered all his prayers and left.

As far as I know he hasn't talked to her. I feel lower then anything knowing I allowed someone to cheat with me. I fell in love and my feelings got the best of me. I don't know if I'm being played is my problem. He's met my mom and I've met some of his family, but every time I try to talk about us making things official and taking that step forward he tells me I'm rushing it. We've known eachother for 2 years, I guess I just don't get it.

What would you do?

ashlee5,

if he is willing to cheat on someone with you, he is not going to have any problem cheating on you with another person. that doesn't mean he is but it just means you have to be extra careful. if after 2 years, he is still saying that you are rushing it when you ask for something official, that can be a sign of something shady. i know once you start liking/loving someone, it is hard to make your heart feel differently (even if the guy is scum). you have to pretty much ask yourself if you are happy with what he is giving you (an unofficial relationship). how long are you willing to sit around and wait?

(02-04-2012 10:21 AM)ashlee5 Wrote:  2 years ago next Tuesday I met a guy that was 7 years older then me. We started hanging out and eventually things escalated into an intimate relationship. About 2 weeks into us hanging out he told me he had a girlfriend that he no longer wanted to be with and was trying to end things with her. I told him we couldn't be anything more than friends, but eventually things took a different route. He was basically cheating on her with me for the last year and a half of their relationship. He'd always come to me and say how he's trying to break up with her but she just wouldn't have it. Last June it finally became official, atleast so I thought. She moved out of his house and out of his life. I wasn't going to push a relationship yet because he said since he just got out of a 3 year relationship he wanted to take his time and make sure things were right with me before jumping into another one. For the past few months I'd stay at his house and things were going okay. A few times his ex would show up unexpectedly, they always got into a big argument and I would just leave. Well this last time she showed up, she came through the door and talked to me. She said she thought she was being played a fool because she thought him and her were getting back together. I told her that him and I were working on a relationship. He told her to get out of his house and out of his life, that they were never going to get back together, he said they could try and be friends but not anymore due to the way she was acting. She got the rest of her stuff, they yelled, and she said she hope I was the girl that answered all his prayers and left.

As far as I know he hasn't talked to her. I feel lower then anything knowing I allowed someone to cheat with me. I fell in love and my feelings got the best of me. I don't know if I'm being played is my problem. He's met my mom and I've met some of his family, but every time I try to talk about us making things official and taking that step forward he tells me I'm rushing it. We've known eachother for 2 years, I guess I just don't get it.

What would you do?

Gotta be honest, More than likely he will not move forward with you. If he hurried and got rid of the other girl (while having a intimate relationship with you), then there is possibilty that he will do the same to you. Your not rushing anything, your just following on what he puts out. Men cannot make up their minds, but they make up it when things get physical (that's how they communicate). Stop everything that you do for him. And when you do so, see how he reacts. Does he take you seriously? Is he serious about even being with you? And does his words connect with his actions? Remember this, Men will give love to get sex; and Women will give sex to get love.

I've gotta say, I agree with everyone else. You are getting used right now. Allow me to direct you to a book that changed my view on guys..."He's Just Not That Into You". From that book, I learned that guys mean exactly what they say. I had an ex who told me flat out that he didn't see us getting married. I thought if I could be the perfect girlfriend, he would change his mind. He never did. But it was MY fault. He TOLD me that he wasn't serious & I didn't listen. So I wasted 2 years on something that was never going to happen. If only that book had come out sooner...
Anyway, he is TELLING you that he does not want a girlfriend right now. That's probably the most honest he's ever been with you in your relationship. You have a choice. You can hang around & see if either he comes around & sees how awesome you are, or you can end things and find a guy who will promote you to girlfriend status quickly. IMO, if this guy had wanted to give you that promotion, he would have ended things with his ex when he met you & not taken "No" from her for an answer (and BTW, how do you fight a break-up? It's always seemed pointless to me. How many happy endings have come from someone saying, "No, I refuse to break-up with you"?) Don't make the same mistake I made. It's hard because you love him, but you need to tell him you want something more & if he isn't going to give it to you, you will find someone who will. If he REALLY wants to keep you, he will change his tune & get serious.