...that I don't want to stop loving him. I don't. As messed up as this whole "situation" is I don't want to stop. I don't want to give up hope that it will work out someday. I don't want to believe that I have to walk away to be happy.

I confess that I know how unhealthy that is. I confess that I feel crazy and a little obsessed. I confess that I'm mad at myself for not being able to walk away. I confess that I'm mad at him for letting me fall in love with him only to do all of this to me.

I confess that I'm angry with my friends for not understanding what I am going through - as if they don't remember expressing the same feelings from their own breakups and past relationships. I confess that I feel judged by them for my feelings toward him. And I confess that that is the worst part - that I feel like I have to go through all of this alone.

I am right there with you. Unfortunately, I can't offer any advice as I feel the same way and also confess to all of the things you just said. But just know that you are never alone.

OMG... you pulled the words right out of my mouth.

To have done things that made me feel crazy out of insecurity- insecurities he brought upon me.

To go out of my way to show him he is special to me - only for it backfire and realize i am in this relationship on my own.

To hear him say to trust him- when I did, all he did was stomp on it and trash that little trust I had for him after years.

To hear him say I am drama and unreasonable- all I asked was to feel I was his only girl and the only one he wanted to be with.

To blame myself for our downfalls all the time- simply bcs time and time again he told me I needed to change.

*sigh*

(04-04-2012 09:57 PM)hotpants Wrote:  ...that I don't want to stop loving him. I don't. As messed up as this whole "situation" is I don't want to stop. I don't want to give up hope that it will work out someday. I don't want to believe that I have to walk away to be happy.

I confess that I know how unhealthy that is. I confess that I feel crazy and a little obsessed. I confess that I'm mad at myself for not being able to walk away. I confess that I'm mad at him for letting me fall in love with him only to do all of this to me.

I confess that I'm angry with my friends for not understanding what I am going through - as if they don't remember expressing the same feelings from their own breakups and past relationships. I confess that I feel judged by them for my feelings toward him. And I confess that that is the worst part - that I feel like I have to go through all of this alone.

ugh. i feel the exact same way, which of course means i can't give very good advice. it's weird...i've tried so hard to hate him and remember all the bad things about the relationship, but late at night when i feel really alone, all i can think about is the good things and how much i miss them. i wish i could be free of him :/