My year long "relationship" just ended this weekend. We met through work and one night when I was visiting Austin from SA (before I moved) we had a moment where the attraction just overwhelmed us. We didn't have sex until 3 months later but wow! Neither of us was looking it was just one of those connections and man was it intense.

Here's were things get....sticky. He told me from the beginning he didn't want a relationship, didn't want kids (I have 2 girls), was a mess in the head from his last girlfriend, blah, blah blah. I ignored it all and told him I was cool being just friends and physical..no strings attached. Well, we grew closer, shared everything, never went a day without talking, I moved here, he met the kids and hung out every night BUT he tried to end it numerous times and I roped him back in over and over.

There is so much more to the story than this but long story short, I broke this weekend. All the things I said I could handle I couldn't and it ALL came pouring out. Including those 3 words...I love you. I told him it was done and I couldn't deal but tonight I so desperately wanted to be able to just be friends. We talked (on Facebook chat, yipee) and he told me we need to go our own ways, it was no good and could I please remove him from Facebook.

Ouch

Now I'm a mess of tears and pain. Why is this so hard when I KNEW from the very beginning that this wasn't going to have a happy ending? Why did I do this tom myself?

Hey urbanlace! Don't beat yourself up so much. The rush of crap that comes after a breakup can be overwhelming... we start calling ourselves stupid, foolish, naive... but we're not. We're just human beings with beating hearts who fell for someone who wasn't right for us. And there are lessons we can learn from it -- things we can take with us to make us stronger. We all make mistakes... we all put our trust sometimes in people who don't deserve it, and it can take a while to figure it all out.

Give yourself some credit. You walked away once you realized it wasn't a healthy relationship for you and not worth hanging onto. It's hard to let go, but you deserve to be happy, and your girls deserve to SEE you happy. So, for them and for you, keep walking. Hold your head high and know that you're strong and capable. Give them big, endless hugs this holiday season and promise them you're always going to be there for them and put them first. That's the best gift a mom can give, and you have the power to give it.

You've got the world in the palm of your hands, even though you might be in a little too much pain to realize it. But in time, you'll see it. Hang in there. You're going to be okay.

Yea I just posted my dilemma but yours is similar to mine too. Sucks but I know it will be ok.

Thank you for the support! Unfortunately, I made the mistake of letting him back into my life Christmas Day. Even though I KNEW it would end badly again I let him back. Sure, at first it was nice but then I felt my anxiety start to creep back in. I could feel in my gut that something wasn't right. My panic attacks started up and I stopped eating again. I found myself checking Facebook, Twitter and G-Chat constantly to see what he was doing and WHO he was with (I suspected another girl) Sure enough, he pulled his crap again on Monday. I "stress him out" and he doesn't like "being in purgatory" (this is what he referred to our 'relationship' as since we weren't a real couple. The grey area between heaven and hell). He wants to be able to hang out with other girls and not feel like he's hurting me. He wants to do what he wants, when he wants and only have to worry about himself.

Anyways, I feel so empty this time. Took down Facebook to avoid looking at what he was doing. Got off of G-Chat so I wouldn't sit there waiting for him to get online like I always did. Time to REALLY start my new life this time. Starting Aerial classes this month and I can't wait!

Your going to be just fine! I have dealt with a person similar. And many of times I tried, and he tried to end things. But for someone reason, we ended up right back talking to each other. Hardest thing for a female to do, is letting people and things go (especially if we have given time into it). It's alright to feel this way; It's a female thing! Don't discourage yourself because of the outcome, but give yourself some credit because you made a decision to get out of that relationship. Hurt and Pain is not a wonderful thing, but its notbad either. Because it helps you grow as a better person!

Ugh, I did it AGAIN! I let him back in and for a month everything has seemed to be going well. Last night we were out for SXSW and a few things happened. This girl I can't stand who I know had a thing for him showed up at the bar we were at. She played nice with me pretending like nothing had happened. Like she hadn't betrayed me the first time he and I "broke up" and told him she'd chose him over me because they were friends first. Then he started to have this weird attitude because he didn't like the music, was drinking and was tired. I called him out on it (I may have been a little rude, I was drinking too). He lost it and caused a scene in front of everyone. Told me he wanted me to go home. Long story short (again) we got into a HUGE fight. He wouldn't let me out of the car and pinned me down across his lap while we were driving. He called me "a bitch" said none of his friends wanted to hang out with him anymore because of me. I stressed him out all night and he wanted us to go to counseling so I could see how wrong I am in the way I feel. He told me that girl told him I made a face art her when she was walking up (she walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around me, I didn't even see her) and that he believed her over me. He yelled at me and said so many mean things. I was actually crying and scared of him as we drove home.

He said he didn't want anything with me and then tonight when I asked him to come help me because I left my car downtown and couldn't find my credit card to get a cab that he'd get me when he was "done with his shows". I don't have any friends and family here to help me and now I'm stuck here until he gets done partying just to get my car.

Why do I keep doing this when it keeps ending the same way? Why am I so afraid to be alone that I'll be with someone who clearly doesn't love me or even respect me? Why is he so cruel and care about these people who don't care about him over me? I want to leave the city and never come back. I know running doesn't solve anything but I feel like I need to be far, far away in order to move on.

-So confused, hurt and lonely

Ugh, so sorry to hear what you just went through (again). I don't know how serious you were about getting away but maybe that is exactly what you need! You don't need to move away (unless you want to) but maybe you can take a vacation with some friends just to get away from it all and even meet new people. He just keeps proving to you what type of person he is and it doesn't seem like anything positive. As long as you keep him near by in your life, you will be sucked back in. Maybe you should just try blocking him in every aspect of your life that you can (delete his number, block him on Twitter/Facebook and whatever other social media sites you're both on together, erase his emails/messages/texts, avoid going out where he might be). It might seem like a lot to do but it's totally worth it in the end when you finally see how much more happier you will be without him. It will hurt at first and you will feel alone BUT trust me, it will get easier. Remember, you want someone who trusts in you, loves you and respects you.

Oh sweetie... Honestly, how miserable. I am so sorry to hear that you're dealing with all of this.

First step, you have to stop beating yourself up for the way you feel! It is OK that you feel sad and disappointed in the way things are going - he is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated! And while I know how frustrating it is to know that and still love that person, you can't beat yourself up for that either. We are human beings and there is no on/off switch for love.

Doubly frustrating is that you are in a city where it seems he is the only person you know. It's up to you if you decide you want to move, but if you choose to stay I think your focus needs to be on creating your own community of friends outside of him and his. Find a coffee shop or other hang out spot to take a book or your laptop and just BE around other people, even if you don't know any of them. With enough time, you may just meet your new best friend there!

In this situation, and I think in most breakups, the part that is the hardest in my opinion is getting over your anger at yourself for the way you feel. In the moments of clarity and perspective that you have try to think of how you would treat a dear friend or family member who was in your position - with love and compassion and understanding of their feelings, right? Try - and I know it's hard - to give that to yourself as well.