i was in a relationship for almost 9 months and it was the best I've ever experienced! There were no arguments what-so-ever and if there was it would be small and we solved it fairly quickly! Out of the blue he just broke up with me without me having the slightest clue why! i was heartbroken, i threw the starbucks i had in my hand right at him! Of course being a woman i texted him very long messages begging and pleading that we can work this out, but he was just not having it! i met up with him once but it didn't go as i had hoped, i was depressed for a very long time, i even had my mom put me in therapy to try and get over this problem! I cried everyday for about 4 or 5 months. Therapy seemed to be working and i felt like this was paying off and i had clarity for a change. I started focusing more on myself and my school work! I felt like i was really getting over him, or so i though! I decided to text him one day to tell him about this event that we went to last year so i can remind him incase he wanted to go. (I'm sure i was doing it for the wrong reasons but my mind didn't think so) After that he had come along and actually started to have a decent conversation with me. i thought we could actually start being friends now, until it seemed like he was trying to hit on me, which he was! All of a sudden we started talking about us and he said that I've been on his mind since he broke up with me. i was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say, and all of a sudden these flow of emotions coming running back to me and i felt vulnerable!!! I told him that thats not how it looked like to me since he kept pushing me away. He also said that he thought he was ready for a commitment with me but he was wrong and he wanted to distant himself from me (i forgot why) and that he doesn't know what he wants yet. however i knew he had a gf which i did call him out on, but he said that she was kind of his gf. I told him i didn't want to get myself involved with someone who has a gf and just get my heart crushed again. I let him know that whenever he was ready to let me know and that i know him more than that girl he was seeing. he told me "i don't even think I'm gonna stay with her, she's cool and all but like i said i can't keep a relationship." All in all we ended hanging out a few times which did lead to him cheating, which i didn't want to be a part of but i couldn't help myself. I can't help but reply in my mind what he told me... "But who will i be with in the end?" One day we were texting and he told me he was thinking, and that we shouldn't talk or hang out until he brakes up with his gf because he doesn't want to be sneaking around. My heart dropped because i felt like i wasted my time on this person who didn't seem like he was trying as hard as i was to give it another try. I had no choice but to accept it because there was nothing else i could do! he has not spoken to me for about 2 months now and he still hasn't broken up with his gf. I'm sick of crying and feeling depressed. i can barely talk to anyone now because they've heard it all before. If he really cared about me he would've given it his all. I really don't know what to think about this cuz he is really confusing! i seriously don't want to love him anymore or even care about him anymore, loving him has been wonderful but also very painful. i accidentally called him one day and i hung up, and he had called me back saying who's this? i was shaking because i knew then that he had deleted my number. He just laughed and said okay well bye. idk if waiting for him is the best, i want to get over him just in case he decides he doesn't wanna be with me, well then i won't be as hurt as i would be if i keep having my hopes up. Everyone seems right about my problem but i wanna be right for a change and prove to them that they were wrong. I remember the times i could just be in my room doing nothing just watching t.v and not have one thought about him...i want that feeling back!



P.S I'm sure I'm missing some things in here but i didn't wanna be a bore with every detail.

I know it's hard but keep yourself busy and you won't think about him. I had to learn this after I failed several attempts of texting him throught the year. Holidays are the worst but you'll pull through if u stay busy. I'm going thru a breakup myself and it's not as painful as my previous long term relationship so I know I'm stronger than before. Keep your chin up and stay positive. Good luck.

Thank you for the support! I just don't know if I could keep it up much longer. I really think/thought he was the one! Keeping busy only does me good for a while, I need to learn how to deal with it which is hard to do! I don't know if i should wait for him to initiate contact to see what he has to say and go from there! But I'm afraid he's going to break my heart! I know i shouldn't care and i don't want to care! Oh God how i so desperately don't want to care anymore!