http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/ Thu, 23 May 2013 22:23:20 +0000 MyBB http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=164 Thu, 09 May 2013 14:33:25 -0500 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=164
it all started when i was offered a new job and couldn't help eye-ing up one of my co-workers. He was almost fantastically good looking with charm that made me blush like an embarrassed school girl - i never in a million years though he'd be interested in .... ME! So a few dates in and i was seriously falling for this guy. Especially because we worked together, had the opportunity to see one another every day, shared similar interests in both our social and career life. Now, he was just getting out of a heartbreaking relationship himself and this should have been the first major red flag.The closer we got, the more ladies he was involved with started to surface. He chalked it up to "tying up loose ends" and in an attempt to be trusting and start with a clean slate, i believed him and patiently waited. These girls all found their way into his past, but it definitely didn't stop him from inviting new girls into the present. I became BEYOND untrustworthy and my downward spiral of feeling inadequate, foolish, and disrespected began. I started to become crazy - spying, prying, trying to find something that would prove to me he was faithful and i was the one for him. But there was ALWAYS something to be found - emails, text messages, pictures, etc.... He would always slyly talk his way out of it and of course, i would always forgive and press forward. Fast forward 3 years later (after moving in together, raising a puppy together, numerous vacations, family tragedies, work collaboration) and low and behold - the same shit, still happening. Its like i couldn't get out of it because i was oddly addicted to it - trying so desperately to salvage something that i knew deep down i never really had. Maybe we rushed into things too quick, maybe i was just another girl he choose to help him ease the pain of his heartache and just stuck around because of our work situation. I needed some answers - why was i not good enough???

For two years we after we played the "dating" game. Casually saw one another but were able to do as we pleased as well. Trust me, this is NOT a smart route. He started literally sleeping around and the more i found out, the more candid he became about it. Like he didn't even care enough to hide it anymore - it was like he was proud of his accomplishments knowing full well i wasn't just in it for the ride. I started to become bitter, angry, desperate, anxious. It ruled my life. Where is he? Who is he seeing? Who does he have over? Why is he not responding to my texts? My life was LITERALLY consumed by ill thoughts and i swear it made me ill myself. The worst part was that i had to see him EVERYDAY!!! This past week - YES, i am still allowing this to happen - he decided that keeping me involved was becoming more of hassle than anything and pretty much spilled every horrid thing he had done and has been doing. I decided to make a REAL effort to cut it off - so here i am - on my road to recovery - which is definitely not an easy one because of our position. He shared his first home with me, we work in the same building, and i feel like i have been amounted to a loser - who is begging someone who is clearly out of love with me to pursue something that is just not in the cards.

f me.]]>
it all started when i was offered a new job and couldn't help eye-ing up one of my co-workers. He was almost fantastically good looking with charm that made me blush like an embarrassed school girl - i never in a million years though he'd be interested in .... ME! So a few dates in and i was seriously falling for this guy. Especially because we worked together, had the opportunity to see one another every day, shared similar interests in both our social and career life. Now, he was just getting out of a heartbreaking relationship himself and this should have been the first major red flag.The closer we got, the more ladies he was involved with started to surface. He chalked it up to "tying up loose ends" and in an attempt to be trusting and start with a clean slate, i believed him and patiently waited. These girls all found their way into his past, but it definitely didn't stop him from inviting new girls into the present. I became BEYOND untrustworthy and my downward spiral of feeling inadequate, foolish, and disrespected began. I started to become crazy - spying, prying, trying to find something that would prove to me he was faithful and i was the one for him. But there was ALWAYS something to be found - emails, text messages, pictures, etc.... He would always slyly talk his way out of it and of course, i would always forgive and press forward. Fast forward 3 years later (after moving in together, raising a puppy together, numerous vacations, family tragedies, work collaboration) and low and behold - the same shit, still happening. Its like i couldn't get out of it because i was oddly addicted to it - trying so desperately to salvage something that i knew deep down i never really had. Maybe we rushed into things too quick, maybe i was just another girl he choose to help him ease the pain of his heartache and just stuck around because of our work situation. I needed some answers - why was i not good enough???

For two years we after we played the "dating" game. Casually saw one another but were able to do as we pleased as well. Trust me, this is NOT a smart route. He started literally sleeping around and the more i found out, the more candid he became about it. Like he didn't even care enough to hide it anymore - it was like he was proud of his accomplishments knowing full well i wasn't just in it for the ride. I started to become bitter, angry, desperate, anxious. It ruled my life. Where is he? Who is he seeing? Who does he have over? Why is he not responding to my texts? My life was LITERALLY consumed by ill thoughts and i swear it made me ill myself. The worst part was that i had to see him EVERYDAY!!! This past week - YES, i am still allowing this to happen - he decided that keeping me involved was becoming more of hassle than anything and pretty much spilled every horrid thing he had done and has been doing. I decided to make a REAL effort to cut it off - so here i am - on my road to recovery - which is definitely not an easy one because of our position. He shared his first home with me, we work in the same building, and i feel like i have been amounted to a loser - who is begging someone who is clearly out of love with me to pursue something that is just not in the cards.

f me.]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=162 Mon, 25 Mar 2013 19:09:47 -0500 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=162
What do I do? Do I give him the space he wants and hope we find our way back to each other or do I just forget it and move on? I feel so awful. I can't believe I made that mistake. I can't believe I let my past ruin my present and possible future. I'm so confused and hurt right now...I've lost not only someone I loved but my best friend.

Help...]]>
What do I do? Do I give him the space he wants and hope we find our way back to each other or do I just forget it and move on? I feel so awful. I can't believe I made that mistake. I can't believe I let my past ruin my present and possible future. I'm so confused and hurt right now...I've lost not only someone I loved but my best friend.

Help...]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=161 Sat, 23 Mar 2013 12:59:26 -0500 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=161 I'm new here but I could really use some support. I'm 16 years old and my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. The first time we broke up, we were both feeling pretty bad about it. He broke up with me because he said he was unhappy and that he felt like hanging out with me was a chore. A week went by and we texted and stuff, then we ended up getting back together. We were both really happy, he said he was so glad we didn't breakup for good and he couldn't believe he almost gave it all up. The week of valentines day he was all over me. He said he was feeling stronger about me than he had in awhile and he wanted to hang out with me almost everyday. On valentines day he made me a lovely card that had all of these promises for the future and he bought me flowers and it was a very romantic night. Three days later he called me and said he didn't have feelings for me anymore and he wanted to breakup. I was devastated, didn't see it coming at all. I know he didn't cheat on me and there's no explanation for it. It's been around a month since we broke up and I'm still really sad. I havent been able to cut off communication with him but he hasn't reached out to me and he seems to be ok. What do I do? I'm tired of being sad, it's crushing me.]]> I'm new here but I could really use some support. I'm 16 years old and my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. The first time we broke up, we were both feeling pretty bad about it. He broke up with me because he said he was unhappy and that he felt like hanging out with me was a chore. A week went by and we texted and stuff, then we ended up getting back together. We were both really happy, he said he was so glad we didn't breakup for good and he couldn't believe he almost gave it all up. The week of valentines day he was all over me. He said he was feeling stronger about me than he had in awhile and he wanted to hang out with me almost everyday. On valentines day he made me a lovely card that had all of these promises for the future and he bought me flowers and it was a very romantic night. Three days later he called me and said he didn't have feelings for me anymore and he wanted to breakup. I was devastated, didn't see it coming at all. I know he didn't cheat on me and there's no explanation for it. It's been around a month since we broke up and I'm still really sad. I havent been able to cut off communication with him but he hasn't reached out to me and he seems to be ok. What do I do? I'm tired of being sad, it's crushing me.]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=160 Sat, 23 Mar 2013 00:08:13 -0500 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=160 I'm 27 years old and 3 weeks ago, my boyfriend of 8.5 months breaks up with me out of nowhere. I know deep down I am better off without him, but I keep hoping he'll come around because it was so sudden (seriously...one day, I was the best thing to ever happen to him and the next, I'm dropped like a sack of potatoes). I guess I should also mention he's bipolar and has been working a job with long hours and not great pay.

Basically, we met through a mutual friend who set us up because of our shared love of books and history. We hit it off and sparks fly. Our families meet and hang out. It seemed to be a foregone conclusion that we'd one day get hitched. But things had been getting tense because of his schedule (he's a school bus driver an hour and a half from home) and it seemed he had no time for me anymore. What time we did spend together was at my sister's, playing board games...rarely one on one. But he pulled out all the stops for Valentines Day weekend, just 2 weeks before the split, so I thought everything would be ok.
Then, after telling me he wouldn't be around that weekend, we both show up at our friends' house. He has me come on the porch and he breaks up with me. "Blah blah, it's not you, it's me, I need to find myself, blah blah." So yeah, I've been a wreck most of the time, even though deep down, I know that he'll likely never be able to give me what I need.

Well, thanks for listening! Any words of wisdom, happy thoughts, are good.]]> I'm 27 years old and 3 weeks ago, my boyfriend of 8.5 months breaks up with me out of nowhere. I know deep down I am better off without him, but I keep hoping he'll come around because it was so sudden (seriously...one day, I was the best thing to ever happen to him and the next, I'm dropped like a sack of potatoes). I guess I should also mention he's bipolar and has been working a job with long hours and not great pay.

Basically, we met through a mutual friend who set us up because of our shared love of books and history. We hit it off and sparks fly. Our families meet and hang out. It seemed to be a foregone conclusion that we'd one day get hitched. But things had been getting tense because of his schedule (he's a school bus driver an hour and a half from home) and it seemed he had no time for me anymore. What time we did spend together was at my sister's, playing board games...rarely one on one. But he pulled out all the stops for Valentines Day weekend, just 2 weeks before the split, so I thought everything would be ok.
Then, after telling me he wouldn't be around that weekend, we both show up at our friends' house. He has me come on the porch and he breaks up with me. "Blah blah, it's not you, it's me, I need to find myself, blah blah." So yeah, I've been a wreck most of the time, even though deep down, I know that he'll likely never be able to give me what I need.

Well, thanks for listening! Any words of wisdom, happy thoughts, are good.]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=159 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 22:21:04 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=159
I had to learn to just take things one day at a time and to start doing things for me. If your just coming out of a long term relationship it is going to hurt. There are going to be times when all you want to do is cry. It is okay to cry. Its normal to want to stay at home and grieve the loss of an important person in your life. Its normal to feel like you don't want to go out , you just want to stay at home and suffer. But eventually you will start to feel better. You just have to take it one day at a time.

For me it clicked when I realized that no matter how much I love and support him, I cant force him to mature. That is something that he needs to do on his own. By me always taking him back and being there for him, I was enabling his childish ways, when really after 5 years I deserved more respect from him, he should be growing into a man, but instead he was the same boy that I met at 17. I had to realize that I was enabling him and that wasn't going to help him grow. I still love him and want to be with him, but I realized that I loved him more than I loved myself, and I needed to love me again.

I started to spend more time with friends and just this week I went on a date with somebody new. The date was refreshing, it got me out of the house and reminded me that I am still an incredible woman and any man would be lucky to have me. It boosted my confidence. I also started to see a therapist to help me in my time of grief. Sometimes you need the help of a professional. My girlfriends advice just wasn't cutting it. I need to talk to someone whos job it is to deal with things like this.

Don't get me wrong there are times when I find myself all twisted and I cry about the situation, but I know that all I can do right now is take it one day at a time and work on myself. Its like a time of rediscovery. NO CONTACT with your ex may hurt, but its a good thing. You should never call your ex begging to be with him, or text him or anything. This will only solidify in his mind that he still has you . Give the both of you time and space. It is natural to want your ex back . Hell, I still want mines, but as cliché as it sounds if he loves you, eventually he will come around, no contact is best because it lets him experience life without you and realize what it is that he is missing. In the mean time that doesn't mean that your life has to stop. rediscover the things that make you happy and do things for you.

This is just my experience, but once I realized what I was worth, the tears became fewer.

good luck bombshells]]>
I had to learn to just take things one day at a time and to start doing things for me. If your just coming out of a long term relationship it is going to hurt. There are going to be times when all you want to do is cry. It is okay to cry. Its normal to want to stay at home and grieve the loss of an important person in your life. Its normal to feel like you don't want to go out , you just want to stay at home and suffer. But eventually you will start to feel better. You just have to take it one day at a time.

For me it clicked when I realized that no matter how much I love and support him, I cant force him to mature. That is something that he needs to do on his own. By me always taking him back and being there for him, I was enabling his childish ways, when really after 5 years I deserved more respect from him, he should be growing into a man, but instead he was the same boy that I met at 17. I had to realize that I was enabling him and that wasn't going to help him grow. I still love him and want to be with him, but I realized that I loved him more than I loved myself, and I needed to love me again.

I started to spend more time with friends and just this week I went on a date with somebody new. The date was refreshing, it got me out of the house and reminded me that I am still an incredible woman and any man would be lucky to have me. It boosted my confidence. I also started to see a therapist to help me in my time of grief. Sometimes you need the help of a professional. My girlfriends advice just wasn't cutting it. I need to talk to someone whos job it is to deal with things like this.

Don't get me wrong there are times when I find myself all twisted and I cry about the situation, but I know that all I can do right now is take it one day at a time and work on myself. Its like a time of rediscovery. NO CONTACT with your ex may hurt, but its a good thing. You should never call your ex begging to be with him, or text him or anything. This will only solidify in his mind that he still has you . Give the both of you time and space. It is natural to want your ex back . Hell, I still want mines, but as cliché as it sounds if he loves you, eventually he will come around, no contact is best because it lets him experience life without you and realize what it is that he is missing. In the mean time that doesn't mean that your life has to stop. rediscover the things that make you happy and do things for you.

This is just my experience, but once I realized what I was worth, the tears became fewer.

good luck bombshells]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=158 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 23:52:04 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=158 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=157 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 15:16:49 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=157 Please someone say something...]]> Please someone say something...]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=156 Sat, 02 Feb 2013 20:48:54 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=156
I know that this is for the best, but I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach. I had a minor panic attack after he told me. I have to mention that I am turning 41 next month. I can't believe that I am going to be single again and that I have to start all over. I feel like I'm not ever going to find what I'm looking for and that I'm never going to find love again with someone who wants to be with me. Not to mention the fact that my biological clock is about to run out. I have never had a child and now I'm pretty sure that is no longer an option for me. I'm really, really, really sad and I don't want to be in this place right now. Please give me some words of encouragement and tell me how to get through this. I'm tired of letting people into my life to only have things not work out and have them leave. I want love that lasts.]]>
I know that this is for the best, but I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach. I had a minor panic attack after he told me. I have to mention that I am turning 41 next month. I can't believe that I am going to be single again and that I have to start all over. I feel like I'm not ever going to find what I'm looking for and that I'm never going to find love again with someone who wants to be with me. Not to mention the fact that my biological clock is about to run out. I have never had a child and now I'm pretty sure that is no longer an option for me. I'm really, really, really sad and I don't want to be in this place right now. Please give me some words of encouragement and tell me how to get through this. I'm tired of letting people into my life to only have things not work out and have them leave. I want love that lasts.]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=154 Wed, 09 Jan 2013 22:14:53 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=154
In summer of us being together for almost 2 and a half years he said he cannot handle it anymore and he was determined to break up with me. I of course tried to convince him otherwise. Promised that everything will change and it will be better. We got back together but it broke me. He would be very rude and kind of rough with me. I later on found out from he that he cheated on me with another guy!!! Another guy! He told me because I persisted to know. He told me that he was molested when he was a kid and that he wanted to know if he feels anything towards men. I couldn't believe him but he was swearing. I decided to forgive him for several reasons one of which was because I loved him, I was depended on him extremely!! (we would not be without each other even for a minute which is why it surprised me because I didn't think he could do it) and because I was scared to be alone and my grades suffer because of the whole stress. But I was very mad at him. I would put him down sometimes but I changed too. He admitted it himself. After 3 -4 months he got tired of it and again the same breaking up thing started and me convincing him not to. I moved out of his room and went to my sister's room to give him more space. Everything after this went smoothly. He told me and my sisters that he feels like I am "the one." His future wife. It was weird when he would say it because I felt like I didn't want it but didn't want to give him up at the same time (I don't understand that feeling).
When I came back from summer I found out that he had several cyber sex. It was disgusting this time though he was not patient. He told me to either accept it or leave. And again I was scared. No one knew about anything not a living person. Everyone thought that we are happy couple. Then he got in fight with my sister. The relationship with me and him continued. It was good at times and bad. It varied. Then one day he told me he wants to have his college experience. He never had that and he wants to be able to do it. Plus he is not able to be committed in a relationship because he wants freedom. I tried my everything to stop him but he was determined. I was devastated but I let him go. Just today i found out that he probably cheated on me with some other girls. One of my friends told another one and she told me. I feel worse then ever. I have never felt this horrible in my entire life. I thought I can trust him. I cried to him and pleaded for him not to cheat on me because it happened with the guy before him. He swore he won't and he did. I am lost. I am confused and I defenetly need help. PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE!!

---

Also I forgot to add that today I saw him with the ex I was with for one month and apparently now they are "best friends." It hurt me so much (because he knew the other one cheated on me and I told him how much he hurt me but he is now friends with him anyways) that I cried for almost 4 hours. I am so extremely disappointed by him but by life in general. I am completely broken]]>
In summer of us being together for almost 2 and a half years he said he cannot handle it anymore and he was determined to break up with me. I of course tried to convince him otherwise. Promised that everything will change and it will be better. We got back together but it broke me. He would be very rude and kind of rough with me. I later on found out from he that he cheated on me with another guy!!! Another guy! He told me because I persisted to know. He told me that he was molested when he was a kid and that he wanted to know if he feels anything towards men. I couldn't believe him but he was swearing. I decided to forgive him for several reasons one of which was because I loved him, I was depended on him extremely!! (we would not be without each other even for a minute which is why it surprised me because I didn't think he could do it) and because I was scared to be alone and my grades suffer because of the whole stress. But I was very mad at him. I would put him down sometimes but I changed too. He admitted it himself. After 3 -4 months he got tired of it and again the same breaking up thing started and me convincing him not to. I moved out of his room and went to my sister's room to give him more space. Everything after this went smoothly. He told me and my sisters that he feels like I am "the one." His future wife. It was weird when he would say it because I felt like I didn't want it but didn't want to give him up at the same time (I don't understand that feeling).
When I came back from summer I found out that he had several cyber sex. It was disgusting this time though he was not patient. He told me to either accept it or leave. And again I was scared. No one knew about anything not a living person. Everyone thought that we are happy couple. Then he got in fight with my sister. The relationship with me and him continued. It was good at times and bad. It varied. Then one day he told me he wants to have his college experience. He never had that and he wants to be able to do it. Plus he is not able to be committed in a relationship because he wants freedom. I tried my everything to stop him but he was determined. I was devastated but I let him go. Just today i found out that he probably cheated on me with some other girls. One of my friends told another one and she told me. I feel worse then ever. I have never felt this horrible in my entire life. I thought I can trust him. I cried to him and pleaded for him not to cheat on me because it happened with the guy before him. He swore he won't and he did. I am lost. I am confused and I defenetly need help. PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE!!

---

Also I forgot to add that today I saw him with the ex I was with for one month and apparently now they are "best friends." It hurt me so much (because he knew the other one cheated on me and I told him how much he hurt me but he is now friends with him anyways) that I cried for almost 4 hours. I am so extremely disappointed by him but by life in general. I am completely broken]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=153 Fri, 28 Dec 2012 11:40:21 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=153 I've been with this guy for 3 years & he just dumped me almost 4 weeks ago. He's the love of my life & I love him so much. We we're so in love with each other & I thought that he is the right one for me. Yeah, I admit, we had our fights & arguments like any other relationships. One day, he told me that he's already tired of anything going between us, that he wants me out of his life & then told me that he just want to end our relationship. I was frustrated, sad, confused. I begged him to stay but it's like digging my own grave. I told myself that this is the most difficult time in my life. I stop texting & calling him for 3 weeks, thinking that he might miss me by doing this. Last Monday, I came to his best friend's house, asking him a little favor (nothing to do with my ex!). His best friend asked me how I am right now & then I said that I am fine. Before I leave, he told me that he just recently heard about me & his best friend's break up. I told him yes, that is true. As our conversation goes by, I just found out that my ex boyfriend starts liking someone else. It was huge for me. Knowing that breaks me into pieces. Imagining him with someone else's arms is like a torture for me. This is hardest part of my life. :'( Please give me some advice. :'(]]> I've been with this guy for 3 years & he just dumped me almost 4 weeks ago. He's the love of my life & I love him so much. We we're so in love with each other & I thought that he is the right one for me. Yeah, I admit, we had our fights & arguments like any other relationships. One day, he told me that he's already tired of anything going between us, that he wants me out of his life & then told me that he just want to end our relationship. I was frustrated, sad, confused. I begged him to stay but it's like digging my own grave. I told myself that this is the most difficult time in my life. I stop texting & calling him for 3 weeks, thinking that he might miss me by doing this. Last Monday, I came to his best friend's house, asking him a little favor (nothing to do with my ex!). His best friend asked me how I am right now & then I said that I am fine. Before I leave, he told me that he just recently heard about me & his best friend's break up. I told him yes, that is true. As our conversation goes by, I just found out that my ex boyfriend starts liking someone else. It was huge for me. Knowing that breaks me into pieces. Imagining him with someone else's arms is like a torture for me. This is hardest part of my life. :'( Please give me some advice. :'(]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=152 Wed, 26 Dec 2012 13:13:29 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=152
How's everyone doing out there? I'm new to the Bettyville community. We don't always have our friends to support us in person, but sometimes a kind word or bit of advice can do wonders! I hope through my experiences I can help you guys out too.

This is the story of my break-up. It's a long story. You don't have to read it, but it helps to me write about it, so thanks for indulging me!

I was with this dude for 5 years. We lived together for 4. We met when we were 19, and he was handsome, outspoken, whimsical and clever. He filled my life with fun and adventure. When my mother passed away, he moved in with me so I could keep my home since my father refused to move in.

He became my best friend. He was there for me as I grieved the loss of my mother. We got a kitten and became cat parents. He introduced me to so much cool stuff; we liked all the same things. We did everything together. He was my favorite person.

I never got tired of being around him. Of course over time, problems started to develop. He had this crazy, emotionally abusive mother. She hated me, without any real reason I know of. (To give you an idea, she was convinced I was living at his old college apartment and thus mooching off her because she found my hair in the drain. She decided to take this up with my father. At my mother's funeral.)

One day he told me, "My mother said if I don't move back in and finish college she's going to sell the house, and it's all I have left of my father." So he moved out; after 15 years I left the apartment in my hometown and got a place with roommates.

We broke up officially 2 years ago - the day after Christmas 2010, after I drove him home in a blizzard and he told me "You can't park here or stay at the house because my mother will kick me out." I was shocked, my father was furious. I convinced him I had to park there because there were no other options & it was a state of emergency, and went to stay at his friend's house next door. After staying out to cover the tracks my car made backing into the driveway (!?!), he came by and said his mother showed up and he had to make up some big lie to cover and I should be kissing his ass. I said get out. As he left I yelled that I never wanted to see him again.

Even though that incident proved to me definitively that I could not be with a man who wouldn't stand up to his mother even for the sake of my safety, I still miss him. We didn't talk for 3 months after that- then I called him and he said he had hoped to keep in touch. We ended up getting together one night and hooking up. We talked about a lot of things and cleared the air. I thought we were getting back together, but turned out that wasn't what he was thinking. We continued seeing each other for another year, almost in secret, the whole time I was telling him how much it hurt me, how it had to be all or nothing.

I thought we were really happy, that a lot of things had changed and improved. The day after his birthday in August, we met on a beach and I asked him if he thought we could be together. He said no, so I said we had to stop seeing each other. It started to rain as we made our way back. We kissed and I couldn't stop crying. That was such a sad day.

Somehow we ended up seeing each other again. The last time I saw him was this past March. I told him we needed to talk, and we agreed to get together another day. Weeks went by and when I called him crying, it was clear he didn't want to have a conversation. I wanted to find a way for us to part on good terms and find some closure, but I think he thought I was going to convince him to get back together.

We still kept in touch via chat and text. I tried to keep things light but when he would talk about his personal life, and I would get panic attacks and feel miserable to hear about him living his life without me. Now our contact has dwindled down to almost nothing.

I wonder if it's strange that I'm not over this. I totally understand that he wasn't the one for me, that we didn't work out for many reasons. Knowing that doesn't really ease the heartbreak, the loss that I feel without him.I get a lot of attention from guys but I don't think I'm ready to date anyone. Any encounters I've had, I've mostly regretted. I just end up feeling worse.

I've been trying to build myself and my life up - I go out, I've made a lot more friends, I took up guitar again, and got involved with an outdoor recreation group. I applied to work at a National Park next summer.

I feel deeply lonely. I don't have anyone in my life I feel as close to or relate as much to as I did to him.

I miss him so, so much. Does it just take time?]]>
How's everyone doing out there? I'm new to the Bettyville community. We don't always have our friends to support us in person, but sometimes a kind word or bit of advice can do wonders! I hope through my experiences I can help you guys out too.

This is the story of my break-up. It's a long story. You don't have to read it, but it helps to me write about it, so thanks for indulging me!

I was with this dude for 5 years. We lived together for 4. We met when we were 19, and he was handsome, outspoken, whimsical and clever. He filled my life with fun and adventure. When my mother passed away, he moved in with me so I could keep my home since my father refused to move in.

He became my best friend. He was there for me as I grieved the loss of my mother. We got a kitten and became cat parents. He introduced me to so much cool stuff; we liked all the same things. We did everything together. He was my favorite person.

I never got tired of being around him. Of course over time, problems started to develop. He had this crazy, emotionally abusive mother. She hated me, without any real reason I know of. (To give you an idea, she was convinced I was living at his old college apartment and thus mooching off her because she found my hair in the drain. She decided to take this up with my father. At my mother's funeral.)

One day he told me, "My mother said if I don't move back in and finish college she's going to sell the house, and it's all I have left of my father." So he moved out; after 15 years I left the apartment in my hometown and got a place with roommates.

We broke up officially 2 years ago - the day after Christmas 2010, after I drove him home in a blizzard and he told me "You can't park here or stay at the house because my mother will kick me out." I was shocked, my father was furious. I convinced him I had to park there because there were no other options & it was a state of emergency, and went to stay at his friend's house next door. After staying out to cover the tracks my car made backing into the driveway (!?!), he came by and said his mother showed up and he had to make up some big lie to cover and I should be kissing his ass. I said get out. As he left I yelled that I never wanted to see him again.

Even though that incident proved to me definitively that I could not be with a man who wouldn't stand up to his mother even for the sake of my safety, I still miss him. We didn't talk for 3 months after that- then I called him and he said he had hoped to keep in touch. We ended up getting together one night and hooking up. We talked about a lot of things and cleared the air. I thought we were getting back together, but turned out that wasn't what he was thinking. We continued seeing each other for another year, almost in secret, the whole time I was telling him how much it hurt me, how it had to be all or nothing.

I thought we were really happy, that a lot of things had changed and improved. The day after his birthday in August, we met on a beach and I asked him if he thought we could be together. He said no, so I said we had to stop seeing each other. It started to rain as we made our way back. We kissed and I couldn't stop crying. That was such a sad day.

Somehow we ended up seeing each other again. The last time I saw him was this past March. I told him we needed to talk, and we agreed to get together another day. Weeks went by and when I called him crying, it was clear he didn't want to have a conversation. I wanted to find a way for us to part on good terms and find some closure, but I think he thought I was going to convince him to get back together.

We still kept in touch via chat and text. I tried to keep things light but when he would talk about his personal life, and I would get panic attacks and feel miserable to hear about him living his life without me. Now our contact has dwindled down to almost nothing.

I wonder if it's strange that I'm not over this. I totally understand that he wasn't the one for me, that we didn't work out for many reasons. Knowing that doesn't really ease the heartbreak, the loss that I feel without him.I get a lot of attention from guys but I don't think I'm ready to date anyone. Any encounters I've had, I've mostly regretted. I just end up feeling worse.

I've been trying to build myself and my life up - I go out, I've made a lot more friends, I took up guitar again, and got involved with an outdoor recreation group. I applied to work at a National Park next summer.

I feel deeply lonely. I don't have anyone in my life I feel as close to or relate as much to as I did to him.

I miss him so, so much. Does it just take time?]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=151 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 23:17:58 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=151 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=150 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 04:05:15 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=150
We had a month where I moved out after a heated argument, over the past year (through him buying a unit, renovating, living with my family for 8 months) he had suppressed his emotions and had been unhappy with how I handled things. He saw me as passive aggressive, always annoyed and he felt he couldn't make me happy. He never communicated the seriousness of this with me till it was too late...

He said he felt like I had broken up with him, that he didn't know who he was or why he couldn't stand up for himself... he felt that he hadn't been true to himself and was unable to forgive me. He is extremely sensitive and a very emotional person. He wanted space to find himself again but we ended up breaking up after an emotional month back and forth.

Looking back I don't think we communicated very well, he never told me how he truly felt and when I was annoyed I assumed he should have just worked it out or read my mind. However I also feel we could have worked on this, but he was just so hurt and couldn't get past his emotions to forgive me for the hurt he felt. I had to force him to actually say the words it was over as he couldn't even bring himself to face the reality...

We had made our home only a few months earlier, I put all my energy into decorating and making it our home. It was a beautiful home. One which I have packed up and left after the break up.

When I packed the last of my belongings I left a card for him with the key to his unit, what was our home... it said something along the lines of; before we went our separate ways, thanking him for teaching me to love and be loved... for the memories that I hold close to my heart.... the friends and family he shared with me.... and I wished him all the best for the future with a poem that read...

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."

He sent a text saying "Your card was so nice, I can't stop crying, I can't believe this is happening" Since then we have only discussed belongings and money... I said "Leave it at that, this texting about possessions is not helping... I want to leave it at what I said in the card, not this" he said "I hear ya"

Since then not a word. Apart from a thank you card to my family for everything they have done and saying he misses them already... but not a mention of me or anything to me...

I am sleeping, eating and have deleted photos, phone numbers and defriended him... I am reading self-help books, socialising, crying and sharing my emotions... I am following the no contact rule and it is hard...I know it will get better... eventually

But I can't help but feel so angry and hurt that I had this life with someone, that was so deep and meaningful and he has just completely, cold turkey, switched off... left it at "I hear ya"

I feel like it is pathetic closure and I hope I can move on from this without resenting him, or that he will eventually contact me again to at least say even though it didn't work it still had some value...is it normal to crave some validation that what we had wasn't a complete farce?

Can I move on even if he is too cowardly to confront me?]]>
We had a month where I moved out after a heated argument, over the past year (through him buying a unit, renovating, living with my family for 8 months) he had suppressed his emotions and had been unhappy with how I handled things. He saw me as passive aggressive, always annoyed and he felt he couldn't make me happy. He never communicated the seriousness of this with me till it was too late...

He said he felt like I had broken up with him, that he didn't know who he was or why he couldn't stand up for himself... he felt that he hadn't been true to himself and was unable to forgive me. He is extremely sensitive and a very emotional person. He wanted space to find himself again but we ended up breaking up after an emotional month back and forth.

Looking back I don't think we communicated very well, he never told me how he truly felt and when I was annoyed I assumed he should have just worked it out or read my mind. However I also feel we could have worked on this, but he was just so hurt and couldn't get past his emotions to forgive me for the hurt he felt. I had to force him to actually say the words it was over as he couldn't even bring himself to face the reality...

We had made our home only a few months earlier, I put all my energy into decorating and making it our home. It was a beautiful home. One which I have packed up and left after the break up.

When I packed the last of my belongings I left a card for him with the key to his unit, what was our home... it said something along the lines of; before we went our separate ways, thanking him for teaching me to love and be loved... for the memories that I hold close to my heart.... the friends and family he shared with me.... and I wished him all the best for the future with a poem that read...

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."

He sent a text saying "Your card was so nice, I can't stop crying, I can't believe this is happening" Since then we have only discussed belongings and money... I said "Leave it at that, this texting about possessions is not helping... I want to leave it at what I said in the card, not this" he said "I hear ya"

Since then not a word. Apart from a thank you card to my family for everything they have done and saying he misses them already... but not a mention of me or anything to me...

I am sleeping, eating and have deleted photos, phone numbers and defriended him... I am reading self-help books, socialising, crying and sharing my emotions... I am following the no contact rule and it is hard...I know it will get better... eventually

But I can't help but feel so angry and hurt that I had this life with someone, that was so deep and meaningful and he has just completely, cold turkey, switched off... left it at "I hear ya"

I feel like it is pathetic closure and I hope I can move on from this without resenting him, or that he will eventually contact me again to at least say even though it didn't work it still had some value...is it normal to crave some validation that what we had wasn't a complete farce?

Can I move on even if he is too cowardly to confront me?]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=149 Mon, 17 Dec 2012 13:04:17 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=149
We moved and I am coming from a small private high school and things changed. I wanted to experiment and started drinking more than I had at home and my friend circle expanded a lot and some of the people I was meeting were inevitably boys.

Fighting and arguments started happening because I was "changing" as a person and he was insecure and did not have trust for me. Our relationship was perfect at home and I don't know if his jealousy issues started when we got here or if the problem had always been there and I had just not known about it. I broke up with him on October 3rd, thanksgiving weekend because the fighting was something I couldn't take anymore with the stress of midterms right around the corner. I made my decision over the course of two days and I felt like I didn't give him a chance to try and change.

He asked a girl who he met on a class trip to Montreal to come visit him for the weekend. It was obvious she had shown interest in them when they first met and he admitted to me that she tried to kiss him even though she knew we were together and she herself was living with her boyfriend. Things happened between them when she visited and it hurt me because I felt as if he had always wanted to be with her in some way and now that I broke up with him was his chance to try. Or he was just trying to spite me.

We got back together two months later because we both agreed that we should give it another shot. Maybe we didnt take enough space from each other? Maybe we tried too soon and expected too much? But me talking to boys that I had been while we were broken up was a big issue for him. They were friends of mine that I was not willing to let go because the jealousy issue that he promised would be resolved were still there and more of an issue than ever.

This could again be because he was trying to spite me but I saw him texting the girl who visited him while we were hanging out one day and it concerned me. I had always trusted him and never felt a reason not to and this concerned me. He left his phone unattended and I went through it, as much as I know I shouldn't have. I was sad that I even wanted to in the first place because I had never felt the urge to do anything of the sort. He, in the end, had always been so good to me, better than anybody who I had been with. I know that I'm young but I really did feel as if he was a very good boyfriend. Something had obviously changed though because I found messages that broke my heart. She was instigating the conversation but he was responding with sexual text messages that I would have never expected from him. I broke up with him because of it but it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

He apologized so many times and promised me to cut off contact with her but I was so hurt that he would do something like that in the first place and even more so hurt that I felt like I had a reason not to trust my best friend anymore. I felt betrayed. I miss him so much and its hard to go everyday without him.

I want to be friends but I know that last time we tried that way too quickly because we missed each other so much. We're on a minimum one month break which is only going to be interrupted when I'm done exams and I go back to our hometown. He says he needs to see me and give me something. I hope its not a Christmas present because I know I won't be able to accept it.

Both of us are just sad and I feel like our relationship is beyond repair for the time being but all I keep thinking about is that I want to try again in the summer when we are both home and things could be like they used to. I need to let go of all the problems that we had and I feel like he could do the same if we give each other enough time and are friends first. We really are a fantastic couple and a lot of people were shocked and hurt by our break up. I am very close with his family and feel like they have lost faith in our relationship which hurts me a lot.

Overall I need advice...]]>
We moved and I am coming from a small private high school and things changed. I wanted to experiment and started drinking more than I had at home and my friend circle expanded a lot and some of the people I was meeting were inevitably boys.

Fighting and arguments started happening because I was "changing" as a person and he was insecure and did not have trust for me. Our relationship was perfect at home and I don't know if his jealousy issues started when we got here or if the problem had always been there and I had just not known about it. I broke up with him on October 3rd, thanksgiving weekend because the fighting was something I couldn't take anymore with the stress of midterms right around the corner. I made my decision over the course of two days and I felt like I didn't give him a chance to try and change.

He asked a girl who he met on a class trip to Montreal to come visit him for the weekend. It was obvious she had shown interest in them when they first met and he admitted to me that she tried to kiss him even though she knew we were together and she herself was living with her boyfriend. Things happened between them when she visited and it hurt me because I felt as if he had always wanted to be with her in some way and now that I broke up with him was his chance to try. Or he was just trying to spite me.

We got back together two months later because we both agreed that we should give it another shot. Maybe we didnt take enough space from each other? Maybe we tried too soon and expected too much? But me talking to boys that I had been while we were broken up was a big issue for him. They were friends of mine that I was not willing to let go because the jealousy issue that he promised would be resolved were still there and more of an issue than ever.

This could again be because he was trying to spite me but I saw him texting the girl who visited him while we were hanging out one day and it concerned me. I had always trusted him and never felt a reason not to and this concerned me. He left his phone unattended and I went through it, as much as I know I shouldn't have. I was sad that I even wanted to in the first place because I had never felt the urge to do anything of the sort. He, in the end, had always been so good to me, better than anybody who I had been with. I know that I'm young but I really did feel as if he was a very good boyfriend. Something had obviously changed though because I found messages that broke my heart. She was instigating the conversation but he was responding with sexual text messages that I would have never expected from him. I broke up with him because of it but it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

He apologized so many times and promised me to cut off contact with her but I was so hurt that he would do something like that in the first place and even more so hurt that I felt like I had a reason not to trust my best friend anymore. I felt betrayed. I miss him so much and its hard to go everyday without him.

I want to be friends but I know that last time we tried that way too quickly because we missed each other so much. We're on a minimum one month break which is only going to be interrupted when I'm done exams and I go back to our hometown. He says he needs to see me and give me something. I hope its not a Christmas present because I know I won't be able to accept it.

Both of us are just sad and I feel like our relationship is beyond repair for the time being but all I keep thinking about is that I want to try again in the summer when we are both home and things could be like they used to. I need to let go of all the problems that we had and I feel like he could do the same if we give each other enough time and are friends first. We really are a fantastic couple and a lot of people were shocked and hurt by our break up. I am very close with his family and feel like they have lost faith in our relationship which hurts me a lot.

Overall I need advice...]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=148 Sat, 17 Nov 2012 22:55:20 -0600 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=148 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=147 Fri, 02 Nov 2012 19:24:24 -0500 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=147 I'm absolutely crushed. He is the one that lied to me and put me in a terrible situation and yet it seems like he could care less that things are over. It makes me feel even more desperate for me to have his affection. I just want him to care about me and what he has done. I've given him almost 10 years of my life. I've given him everything. He makes me feel pathetic and worthless. I've accepted that we can't work things out but I would love any advice on how to make this pain go away. I don't want to care anymore. Help please! ]]> I'm absolutely crushed. He is the one that lied to me and put me in a terrible situation and yet it seems like he could care less that things are over. It makes me feel even more desperate for me to have his affection. I just want him to care about me and what he has done. I've given him almost 10 years of my life. I've given him everything. He makes me feel pathetic and worthless. I've accepted that we can't work things out but I would love any advice on how to make this pain go away. I don't want to care anymore. Help please! ]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=146 Fri, 19 Oct 2012 22:18:26 -0500 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=146
the only problem is that we both took fellowships at the same small institution and now we legitimately have to see each other every day. and not only that, the environment for our age bracket is very small so everyone hangs out together. this means lunches, going out on weekends, you name it. it's been a month and a half and while i'd like to give myself a pat on the back (because after one drunken backslide ending in him sobbing to me about how he still loves me and wants to put a ring on my finger but cant and he's going through something that he can't tell anyone about, i know he's not who i thought he was and i'm better off), i still have bad days or sad days. I guess it's the whole thing that we have to interact normally, as if nothing has ever happened, that bugs me. Because a heavy two year relationship counts, and it makes me feel like it was pretty disposable for him. And yes, he could be playing it cool (and given our environment, we have to) but how the hell do I once and for all move on emotionally when I have to see him so constantly? What kind of mindset should I have when I see him so I don't overthink it or have any emotional response to him coming (like ugh, i hope he's not there or wow what a dbag, someone should punch him in the face). Basically, have any of you guys had to endure such close proximity to an ex you thought was the love of your life? I feel like I'm a lab experiment because everyone keeps telling me how they don't know how I can do it and no one they know has ever had to, etc. I just need some advice, and, let's be honest, a bit of encouragement. Sorry this is so long.]]>
the only problem is that we both took fellowships at the same small institution and now we legitimately have to see each other every day. and not only that, the environment for our age bracket is very small so everyone hangs out together. this means lunches, going out on weekends, you name it. it's been a month and a half and while i'd like to give myself a pat on the back (because after one drunken backslide ending in him sobbing to me about how he still loves me and wants to put a ring on my finger but cant and he's going through something that he can't tell anyone about, i know he's not who i thought he was and i'm better off), i still have bad days or sad days. I guess it's the whole thing that we have to interact normally, as if nothing has ever happened, that bugs me. Because a heavy two year relationship counts, and it makes me feel like it was pretty disposable for him. And yes, he could be playing it cool (and given our environment, we have to) but how the hell do I once and for all move on emotionally when I have to see him so constantly? What kind of mindset should I have when I see him so I don't overthink it or have any emotional response to him coming (like ugh, i hope he's not there or wow what a dbag, someone should punch him in the face). Basically, have any of you guys had to endure such close proximity to an ex you thought was the love of your life? I feel like I'm a lab experiment because everyone keeps telling me how they don't know how I can do it and no one they know has ever had to, etc. I just need some advice, and, let's be honest, a bit of encouragement. Sorry this is so long.]]> http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=145 Sun, 14 Oct 2012 10:56:17 -0500 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=145 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=144 Mon, 01 Oct 2012 17:32:24 -0500 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=144 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=143 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 19:57:58 -0500 http://www.pinkkisses.com/bettyville/showthread.php?tid=143