Blogalicious

from the mailbag: what a difference two years can make!

I created Pink Kisses in the wake of a breakup. A breakup that, to me, felt like the end of the world. Little did I know that my big breakup would actually mark the beginning of  a whole new adventure. Since we launched, we’ve helped thousands of women forget their exes and find their inner bombshells. And some of my favorite moments in this journey have taken place when we’ve heard back from someone we’ve helped.  Every once in a while one of you reaches out to us to say thank you, and I can’t help but stop dead in my tracks and say, “hot damn. look at that.”

Take Jen, for example. The first time we heard from her, she was fresh off a breakup, confused and scared and needing advice. Now? She’s a certified bombshell. Check her out:

I hope all is well in the world of Pink Kisses and that life has been treating you well! I wrote to you a couple of years (has it really been THAT long?!?!) ago about a devastating breakup that entered my life, and the struggles that came along with it. I was actually super happy that it was selected to be featured on your blog because I was hoping my story would cheer up a girl who was in my same or similar situation. I know that “What Would Betty Do?” totally helped me. Currently, I can honestly say Pink Kisses changed my life for the good, better, and best. I finally got the courage to stop mulling over my ex and picked myself up. I graduated college and am now an MPH student- life is GRAND! I also tried out the online dating scene last year and met the most amazing man ever- a gorgeous cop with some nice abs …waaaaaay better than that silly frat guy that dumped me. Sometimes I actually go back to that my email that you posted on your blog and it brings me back to the day I found out it was going to be posted. That was my first day of “recovery” from my ex. I will never, ever, ever in a million years ever forget that day.

Neither will we, Jen. I’m so incredibly proud of you and the new life you’ve created for yourself on your own terms. Rock on, bombshell.

xx

Ellie

Lessons from a Heartache by A’riel Tinter

The last (but certainly not least) entry from our PK Voice contest is A’riel Tinter. You might see a little bit of yourself in her. She’s gone through the same woes of heartbreak that we’ve all experienced and learned things the hard way. Today she’s paying it forward by sharing her breakup and the tips she learned along the way. Get ready to take a page from her book (and P.S. tomorrow is her birthday…give her a shout out here or on Facebook if you see her).

“I don’t think I see a future with us.”

My heart sank into my chest. Was that it? 11 months of being together and our relationship ended with this measly little sentence.

I stormed out of his house and drove around for hours trying to regain any shred of dignity I had left. Instead, I ended up calling him in a crying fit and asked him if this break was what he wanted. “I hope we can still be friends,” he said. That request made me feel exponentially worse. “I don’t know,” I replied. I thought my life was ending.

The next week was brutal. The emotional pain was unbearable causing my body to physically fall apart. Everything hurt. Everything. But life continued whether I was ready for it or not. I was in the midst of rehearsals for a musical. The school semester was beginning. Work was busy as ever. Even though I had been at my lowest point and lost passion for just about everything, I continued to go to work, class, and rehearsals anyway. If I gave up, he won.

So many times I had put other people’s needs before my own. I put my future plans on hold for a year to take care of a very ill family member and for a boy who shattered my heart. Eight months later, after my family member was stabilized and the boy was out of the picture, I took a leap. I moved my life an hour away to live and finish school in the city and it was the best decision I ever made. I thrived in my new surroundings. School was wonderful, I got a fantastic job at a local professional theatre, I reconnected with old friends and I met someone new.

So that’s my 2010-11, the most difficult year of my life, wrapped up in a few concise paragraphs. There were many roadblocks along the way, but  I want to share some of the valuable lessons I learned on the road to recovery.

• Delete him out of your life. Delete his number, his Facebook, his Twitter, his old texts, etc. Delete his family members and mutual friends that are really more his pals than yours. I took a month hiatus off of Facebook and returned thinking I could handle him being on my friend’s list. Boy, was I wrong! He changed his profile pic to him dancing on some girl just before Valentine’s Day and I nearly had a heart attack. Don’t bring that pain upon yourself. You don’t need to know.
• The no-contact rule everyone talks about really is important. You have no reason to talk to him (unless you share a child). I never received any kind of closure, which drove me nuts, but knowing the reason wouldn’t change the end result. It’s over with, it’s done. I cannot stress enough how much this helps with the healing process.
• Surround yourself with friends. I had the most wonderful friends that listened to hours and hours of my heartbreak. They took me out and reminded me of all the fantastic things, people, and experiences in life. I guarantee that they want to be there for you. Just pick up the phone.
• 
• Fill Up Your Schedule. It’s okay to be a hermit the first few days, but then you HAVE to get out. You won’t feel like it, but force yourself. And make sure you try to occupy yourself during the times you would’ve been seeing your ex. For me, those were nights. I had rehearsals almost every night after the break-up and it was an incredible help. Then I went head first into another show. Made the nights much less lonely.
• The power of time is magical. Time may not heal every wound of the heart completely, but it sure as hell gets pretty close.
• Know that you WILL love again. Because it’s the truth. I’m living proof.

I briefly thought about writing details of my past relationship, but you know what? I’m done thinking about it and dissecting. It happened, I’ve learned from it and I’ve moved on. It just wasn’t meant to be and I’m at peace with it. In fact, I’m thankful. Because it led me to meet a wonderful guy and to be in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had.

To those living in the trenches of heartbreak, you will get to this point too. Just take it day by day and take advantage of your support system and resources (such as Pink Kisses).

The Wedding Dress by Rachel Dooley

Our PK winner on showcase this week is Rachel Dooley. When someone has wedding details to share we start to get all giddy inside, but what Rachel has to share is a bittersweet reflection of a relationship that almost was. She had to face a tough reality when her relationship ended, but today we celebrate the courage she has for sharing that story with us. It may not be the fairytale ending she had planned all that time ago, but there sure is a happy ending…and she even left us a little parting gift!

I knew the moment I tried it on that I loved it. I wanted it so much I was willing to ignore that tiny nagging voice in my head that said, “Wait, don’t buy that yet!” If I listened I could have avoided all the pain of owning a wedding dress I would never wear to my own wedding. But the lace and sparkling bead-work was enough to win me over. The moment I saw myself in the mirror I understood why a woman who tries really hard not to be wooed by a beautiful wedding dress will give-in. Mine fit perfectly (except in the bust) and just like that I was caught up in the moment. I had never worn a formal dress before, my hair and make-up looked good and my mom and I were having a lot of fun that day. The last thing I wanted to do was listen to that voice.

The dress was the final piece I needed for the simple wedding on the beach we planned, surrounded by close friends and family, with the lull of the ocean serenading us as we became man and wife. I even bought some flip flops that left the imprint “just married” in the sand after the completion of our nuptials. Our reception was to be outside on picnic benches with cake and champagne. Our dreamy honeymoon would be celebrated in a town a few miles down the coast in a house with a hot tub just a few blocks from the beach. It was all coming together so perfect like it was meant to be.

But my wedding dress is in my closet waiting to take his breath away. Some people asked if I planned to sell it. Others joked that it would scare off my next potential suitor. But I prefer to hang on to it. I’m not sad when I look at it and I haven’t given up hope that I will never wear it. It’s like a trusted friend I lost touch with and whom I fully plan to get back together with for an evening of catch-up. It is the only thing I have kept. I gave away all my wedding stuff to Goodwill but not before writing, “If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it,” in one of my wedding planning books. It might help someone, it might not. But I guarantee if a huge sense of relief fills you when you think about calling off the wedding, do it. I wasn’t that lucky. The relief only came after my fiance called things off. Even though I was devastated, deep down I knew it wasn’t right.

The best thing I did for myself during this time was go back to school to pursue my passion. Not only did it take my mind off the situation but I made honor roll every quarter for the first time in my life and eventually landed a job doing what I loved. And while it has taken me longer than I’d like to admit to get over the breakup and to move on. I’m happy to be free of the drama that brought me tears that year I didn’t tie the knot. There is something exciting about starting anew and taking a leap into the unknown. It wasn’t always fun, and it was a bit scary but I found much comfort in the song, “Feeling Good” by Nina Simone. The lyrics, “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me. And I’m feeling good,” often lifted my spirits when I needed them lifted the most. So, for all you single girls out there who don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, know your time will come to shine. Take comfort that the universe does know what its doing and every decision no matter how painful it is, is the right one.

From Rachel, dedicated to all you bombshells:

Finding my Inner Bombshell by Cathy Benavides

You may already be familiar with the next PK Voice winner, Cathy Benavides. Cathy is a very active bombshell in the PK community and we *heart* her. She’s shared her story before, is always chatting with us on Facebook and If you’ve been to Bettyville, you’ve probably received words of encouragement from her. Every time we hear from her again, she’s taking another badass step in her journey and living life as a true bombshell. Here is how Cathy discovered that living life on her own terms is oh-so-sweet!

I once read a survey that said that the most stressful things a person can go through are moving to a new home, the death of a loved one, and public speaking. I’ve been through all of them and it’s true; they are awful. But you know what ranks up there as well? The ending of a relationship. Whether it was a marriage, a long term partnership, or a solid commitment, the pain and confusion that comes with reverting from an “us” to a “me” is not only painful, but it’s humiliating and sad and full of more emotions than I can name. Believe me, I speak from experience.

I was with my ex (we’ll call him Justin) for a little more than five and a half years. We lived together for five of those years and we had a pretty great time. We were best friends, we talked about everything, and we genuinely enjoyed being together. In June of 2011, he woke me up from a nap to end our relationship. In the space of five seconds and two sentences, I went from an us to a me. I will never forget the cold finality in his voice. I knew there was no working on it, there was no talking it out, and there was no hope. He had taken his heart out of the relationship and he was moving on.

I moved out three weeks later, having never lived on my own, never making my own budget, never paying my own bills, and never really taking care of myself. I found a roommate, cut down on my shopping and learned to make the best of my life. But ladies, it HURT. I missed him so much; I missed my friend, my partner, my constant love and support. Sure, I had family and friends that cared for me, but it was not the same. I wanted to start dating immediately to fill that hole, but it was no use. There was a “WARNING! DANGER!!” sign stamped on my forehead that every guy could see. I was a walking wound; raw and healing from what felt like open heart surgery.

It took me a very long time to let that wound heal. Every time I would tell myself that we could be friends, I’d reopen it. I learned to live independently, but not how to be on my own. A big part of me was still waiting for someone else to come in and take over for me so that I didn’t have to really take care of myself. Finally, after about seven months, I started getting some clarity. I finally saw the reality of our relationship and all the signs that showed that we were not a great match. I looked at the cold hard facts and realized that we had stayed so long because we cared for each other and it was comfortable and easy; not because we were in love. For a while, I got really sad again. I mourned the time that I lost and the friendship that I had built. Then, for the first time in a long time, the pain began to ease. I actually got excited about living my life for me, and really finding out what I wanted in my life. It was a time of renewal and strength and peace.

Next month, it’ll be one year since my life changing breakup. I have a new job…new career actually! I found the strength to leave my dead end job to go for an opportunity in a field I truly love. I am getting ready to move out on my own for the first time in my life. That’s right – me living all on my own! And I am seeing someone new. He’s very different from all of my past boyfriends especially Justin. I have new boundaries about living together and putting myself first. I never want to lose my identity in a relationship again, and I never want to feel like I can’t be on my own. I am proud of the changes I have made and the new adventures in my life. I have found my sense of strength and confidence and pride.

I think it’s safe to say that, after a lot of heartache and pain and soul-searching, I have finally found my inner bombshell!

An Ending is an Opportunity by Carly Rowe

Our next winning PK VOICE entry comes from Carly Rowe. Pay attention here. Carly turned a breakup into an opportunity to do something that absolutely scared her and she’ll be the first person to tell you it’s far from easy. Making a major life decision doesn’t cure heartache instantly, but before you know it you will start to see the benefits of a new beginning. Thank you, Carly, for sharing this mantra you’ve embraced, so that other bombshells can too.

I came to Dallas completely broken. I had lost my grandfather, my boyfriend had left me and kicked me out of our home, and I had not had a job in over a year. I had no money, no car, no home – I was at rock bottom. Looking back, the bravest decision I have ever made in my life was to leave everything in Ohio behind and fly down to Texas with only a suitcase.

Running away is never a quick fix, and I learned the hard way that there is more to recovering than a change of location. I spent weeks in tears, constantly looking at myself in the mirror and wondering what was wrong with me. I wondered why I wasn’t good enough for anyone – a guy or an employer.

But it didn’t stay like this forever – nothing does. I don’t remember when exactly, but I started to smile more. I started to enjoy this new place around me. In time, I even had a job interview at an agency in Dallas.

Shortly after, I had my first real job in nearly two years. I had money. I had friends. And, despite my hesitancy, I was getting asked out again. Dates were awkward and uncomfortable in those first months. I apologize to the gentlemen who patiently put up with my self-doubt. I decided to focus on me, and soon enough I had my own loft in downtown Dallas.

And, when I was ready, something truly amazing happened.

It was early September, almost nine months after I arrived in Texas. I was working. I got a message from a former coworker. “Do you know who Black Star is?” I did but I wasn’t a huge fan, but I said yes. There was something appealing about meeting a new friend over sitting at home alone with no cable. “Would you want to go to a show with my coworker Chris?”

I was running late, he was already at the concert. I arrived alone and scanned the room. There were couples and groups. I found was a dorky looking kid in a grey sweater with pink stripes and messy hair. I don’t remember what I said, but I remember we hugged. It might have been awkward. As the night went on, I found myself looking at him. Saw him looking at me. Maybe my hand touched his first, as he says it did, or maybe it was his knee leaning into my leg.

At the end of the night, I started to walk home (I live only a few blocks away). He offered to drive and I offered him a drink on my roof that overlooks the city. We talked for a few hours. About life and exes and scars and tattoos, and all of the other battle wounds that brought us to where we were at that moment.

We stood on my roof looking out to the thousands of lights below us. I felt his face over that exposed shoulder as he leaned in to point out where he lived. It wasn’t my first kiss after my breakup, but for all intents and purposes it didn’t matter: this was a kiss that erased from history all kisses before it.

It’s been almost 9 months since first met. We live together. He’s my best friend, and I can’t imagine a time when I didn’t know him. This weekend he’s going to meet my family for the first time.

I have a tattoo on my ankle that reads, “The end is where we start from,” from a poem by TS Eliot. My advice to anyone who is going through a hard breakup (or really any life changing event) right now is this: an end leaves room for a new beginning. An end is an opportunity to start over. Start over today and do something different. You may not want to be as extreme getting on a plane to a new location, but you may try doing something out of the ordinary – like blind date to a Black Star concert.

How is a Warrior Born? by Lori Stillman

Here it is, ladies, the first of the five winning entries from our PK VOICE contest! One of your very own bombshells, Lori Stillman, has written an kickass piece about how she healed from her breakup by…well, kicking some ass. Lori’s story will inspire you to find what it is that makes you a warrior too. Don’t you dare think that you don’t have it in you. You do.

I’d been through break ups before; I would have told you I had a bad one and some not so bad. In those endings I was able to find peace and strength to move forward with all those clichés. Oh you know them “He wasn’t the one” “You’re so much better without him” “You had settled for him” “You have to kiss a lot of frogs.” The entire standard to do advice worked then as well, take some time with your girlfriends, retail therapy helps, and do something for yourself. And “a la peanut butter sandwich” broken heart healed. I would have told you I was well experienced, a graduate of heart break 101…that was until him.

Does one broken heart hurt worse than another? If your heart breaks more than once does it feel more pain? Opinions vary.

I met E. online, my first online match up. It was a whirlwind, such a connection. It was so easy and felt so amazing. I told everyone I had met my soul mate, I had never felt so loved. The truth was I meant it. How did I get so lucky? Those broken hearts before were all worth it to get to him. I couldn’t have created a more perfect man for me, a character straight out of a romance novel. I found signs that proved it was meant to be, even down to the fact that we met on 08/08/08. I was thrilled, in love and felt so safe. Our future was bright and full of happiness…and then he deployed to Iraq.

It was sad but not the end, after all there are lots of strong military spouses. I knew I could be a strong girlfriend. I kept connected with awesome care packages every couple weeks. Pictures, shirts that smelled of sweet perfume, hand written letters too. We would Skype and email, talk about how we missed each other and how we marked off the days until we would be in each other’s arms. It was my first deployment, but not his. It was a 7 month tour, and at about 3 months in the contact stopped. A tour of silence for me for 3 weeks, followed by an email telling me he was stressed and needed some space to get back to himself, after all he didn’t want to say anything to make me think or feel differently about him. I was a trooper for him, I told him I understood and I would respect it and wait for him to get home. By myself I was a mess. I heard from him a couple times, he was distant. War does that right? I held strong and right about the time he was due to be home I wrote the sweetest email letting him know I had waited for him. No “Dear John” letters from this lady. However the response I received was a two sentence email a far cry from what I expected,
Please move on, it said, I’ve changed, and so have my feelings for things. I’m sorry I don’t feel the same way; I really don’t feel much of anything.
Two sentences I screamed in the shower, two sentences I cried to my best friend. No explanation no phone calls; the man who made me feel queen of the universe spit me out like I was spoiled milk.

I was destroyed.

I waited and reread that email, several times. I wrote emails; I asked for a phone call, I begged for understanding. I needed closure, after all how would I know what to fix about myself if I didn’t know why he left me. This time not a single cliché worked. My friends tried to help. The sky was gray and my world was dark. I searched the internet. I cried. I even tried calling him once. I blocked my number and he answered.
Me: E?
Him: Yes
Me: How are you? (He loved & adored me he’d know my voice right?)
Him: Who is this?
Me: How many people have to block their number to call you?
Him: hmmm—click

An email to break up stinks—being hung up on crushes the ego. How did I get so unlucky?

I tried everything to heal my heart and soul. I found stories of women who created businesses because of a broken heart. I was mad I couldn’t think of this great idea to rise like the Phoenix from the ashes of my love. Some women volunteer their time and in exchange gives them healing, that helped others but my heart didn’t feel any joy. I got a dog, checked into changing my career, bought a new car. Nothing helped it seemed. In fact I couldn’t get anything to help except the only time I felt peace was during my Karate class. You see I started a class when he deployed, kept me busy. I thought it was temporary. I was told it was 3 years to earn my black belt. I mentally rolled my eyes there was no way I would be there that long.

My hour long class twice a week was the only time I didn’t think about him or rather the lack of him now. I was busy learning self defense, self confidence, I was punching and kicking and healing my heart—ever so slowly. I was getting fit and strong inside and out.
I wasn’t going to cry in Karate class. Although I was convinced I was permanently damaged. I didn’t realize it, I was still focusing on how much I still hurt, instead of the little healing happening with every kata I learned. (Karate Kata are executed as a specified series of a variety of moves, with stepping and turning, while attempting to maintain perfect form. The practitioner is counseled to visualize the enemy attacks and their responses.)

I was defeating my enemy. The one who insisted it was my fault he left me. The one that kept telling me I was weak that I wasn’t over him yet. The one who kept telling me I needed him to be whole. I kicked my self doubt out the door, punched my pity in the face and regained my self confidence.

Lori with her Grand Master (instructor) and her black belt spoils. Just look at that smile!

Five months ago I earned my First degree Black belt. To some it’s just a belt, to the world I appear strong and maybe a little dangerous (giggle). To me it’s my proof. Proof that something great did come from the ashes of a dead relationship—a little warrior.
A warrior who is strong, healed and ready to love again.

Every bombshell has a warrior inside.

And the winners are…

First of all, a huge shout out to each of the bombshells who were brave enough to share their story. We had an incredible crop to choose from, and it was a true honor to get to read each of the honest, open and delightful entries. So, a HUGE thanks to each of you who submitted posts for our “Next PK VOICE” contest. Each of you has something incredibly valuable to share.

But, we could only choose 5 winners. It was a tough call, and a lot of thought went into making the choices.

::DRUMROLL PLEASE::

and the winners are:
Lori Stillman
Carly Rowe
Cathy Benavides
A’riel Tinter
Rachel Dooley

Congratulations, ladies! Your words are going to do wonders for the PK community and beyond. Thank you for having the courage to speak up. Some stories made us cry, others made us laugh, but they’re all wildly inspiring. Now it’s our pleasure to share these treats with bombshells everywhere.

Stay tuned, starting next Thursday we’ll be honoring each of our winners by posting their incredible stories once a week. We can’t wait! Can you?

pk2u,

The PK Team

Last Chance! Enter the PK VOICE contest today!

Ladies! You. Rock. We already have amazing entries that we’re reading through. We absolutely love what you bombshells have to say!

If you still have something you want to share, you have until midnight tonight to get submissions to us. Here’s a reminder of the rundown of the contest:

We’re looking for the next PK Voice! No, you don’t have to get on stage and we don’t have Christina Aguilera as one of our judges. Our version is even more badass. We’re looking for bombshells far and wide to be the voice of PK by sharing on our oh-so popular blog. Have a great story of survival? Sweet! Do something lately that scared you? Perfect. Have an interesting perspective on the latest celeb gossip? Dish. Finding strength within you didn’t realize you had? Yes ma’am, we want to hear from you.

Here’s how it works:

• Choose a topic. Think about what you wanted to hear when going through a breakup. Here are some good examples: celeb splits, survival stories, sage advice, the ex files (reflections on past relationships), finding your inner bombshell, etc.
  
• Write up a post, 500 words minimum.
  
• Submit by emailing your post to claire@pinkkisses.com with the subject “PK Voice” by midnight on May 23rd.
  
• We will choose up to 5 winners, depending on the awesomeness of the entries
  
• Winners will receive these awesome prizes: pk tank, compact, koozie and your very own spot on the PK blog
• To be eligible, you must agree to these Terms & Conditions
  

Ready, set, go!

xx

Ellie & the PK team

The VOICE, bombshell style!

We’re looking for the next PK Voice! No, you don’t have to get on stage and we don’t have Christina Aguilera as one of our judges. Our version is even more badass. We’re looking for bombshells far and wide to be the voice of PK by sharing on our oh-so popular blog. Have a great story of survival? Sweet! Do something lately that scared you? Perfect. Have an interesting perspective on the latest celeb gossip? Dish. Finding strength within you didn’t realize you had? Yes ma’am, we want to hear from you.

Here’s how it works:

• Choose a topic. Think about what you wanted to hear when going through a breakup. Here are some good examples: celeb splits, survival stories, sage advice, the ex files (reflections on past relationships), finding your inner bombshell, etc.
  
• Write up a post, 500 words minimum.
  
• Submit by emailing your post to claire@pinkkisses.com with the subject “PK Voice” by midnight on May 23rd.
  
• We will choose up to 5 winners, depending on the awesomeness of the entries
  
• Winners will receive these awesome prizes: pk tank, compact, koozie and your very own spot on the PK blog

Ready, set, go!

xx

Ellie  & the PK team

Guest Blogger Valeka explores the power of Singleness

Today we’re welcoming back guest blogger, Valeka Cruz. I knew I liked her when we started flirting on Twitter… then she wrote me an email, telling me about her badass blog, thanking me for doing what we’re doing & explaining how we helped her get through her own tough heartbreak. I loved that she had the confidence to simply ask if she could write a guest blog, so I couldn’t resist. My response? “Absolutely, bombshell!” & I’m so thrilled I said yes. Boy, does she have some crazy powerful things to say. Read on, ladies, and be inspired.

xx,

ellie

So you are fresh out of a relationship and everywhere you look it seems that the entire world is in love and paired up. You wonder if you will ever be part of a duo again. You feel like there is a sign pinned to your chest saying “Look at me. I’m single.” Let’s face it – no one likes being alone but there is a lot of value to be found in being single. I’ve always been a big advocate of using the “solo time” to enrich and heal our inner selves. The time outside of a relationship is the perfect opportunity to grow and mend any hurts we may have encountered during our last foray into the dating/relationship arena.

First and foremost, let’s get over the concept of the word “single” as being bad, vulgar, or embarrassing. Single does not mean “alone.” Single means that you are an individual and aren’t bound to someone else. It means that you are “unattached.” That’s not such a terrible thing if you stop and think about it. No, really. Think about it. It means that your time is yours to use in any way that you choose. You have the chance to take your life in any direction you want. There is a lot of power in that. It’s the power of singleness.

Too many people (male and female) float from relationship to relationship because they have a fear of being alone. That fear causes people to enter relationships just for the sake of having someone in their lives. There is a huge difference between being with someone for A) companionship or love and B) because you want a band-aid. Option B is not only unfair to the other person involved but also, in the long run, to yourself.

Allowing some time to mend and to reacquaint ourselves with who we are is priceless. It ensures that any lingering negatives have been tagged, bagged and tossed out. It helps us to be the best version of US that we can possibly be. Have you ever dated someone that was clearly not over their ex or that carried with them the ghosts of relationships past? Fun, wasn’t it? Be a bigger person and don’t do that to anyone else. Never settle and never date someone “just because.”

Sometimes we forget who we are when we are in a relationship. We lose sight of the dreams and goals we once had for a multitude of reasons. What better time than your singleness to reignite those dreams! Look at this as a new beginning for the YOU that you have been missing. Get your own thing going!

Singleness is a time to empower yourself. Go back to school. Hit the gym. Have new adventures. See and do new things. Set new goals for yourself. Try things that you never before thought possible. I have a very dear friend that used her singleness to do more running. She had always wanted to run a marathon so she took full advantage of her solo time and fulfilled her dream a couple of months ago. Bettering yourself and expanding your world gives you more to offer the next person that may be worthy of a relationship with you. This time is for YOU. Do the things you want to do.

Use this time to strengthen your relationships with family and friends. They were the ones that helped hold you up when you went through the hard times so give them the love and attention that they deserve. Relationships with men may come and go but the ones you have with your friends and family will always be there. Take care of them. Nurture them. Value them.

And never, ever forget to have FUN! Get out in the world and live life to the fullest. Go on a vacation with your girlfriends or your family to a place you have never been before. Take a pottery or painting class. Experience the great outdoors. A year ago I went canoeing for the first time with a friend who had the unpleasant experience of having a guy she went out with a few times drop out of sight. She tried to contact him but she never heard from him again and she was bummed. It prompted her to try something new so she invited me along for an afternoon of canoeing. We had a blast! We laughed the entire time and found a new past time to enjoy!

Don’t let the fear of being single rob you of the chance to be your authentic self. Your future is wide open and limitless. Allow your singleness to be a time of self-discovery, self-reliance, self-assuredness, and self-motivation. Show the world the strong, independent woman that you are!