Blogalicious

The VOICE, bombshell style!

We’re looking for the next PK Voice! No, you don’t have to get on stage and we don’t have Christina Aguilera as one of our judges. Our version is even more badass. We’re looking for bombshells far and wide to be the voice of PK by sharing on our oh-so popular blog. Have a great story of survival? Sweet! Do something lately that scared you? Perfect. Have an interesting perspective on the latest celeb gossip? Dish. Finding strength within you didn’t realize you had? Yes ma’am, we want to hear from you.

Here’s how it works:

• Choose a topic. Think about what you wanted to hear when going through a breakup. Here are some good examples: celeb splits, survival stories, sage advice, the ex files (reflections on past relationships), finding your inner bombshell, etc.
  
• Write up a post, 500 words minimum.
  
• Submit by emailing your post to claire@pinkkisses.com with the subject “PK Voice” by midnight on May 23rd.
  
• We will choose up to 5 winners, depending on the awesomeness of the entries
  
• Winners will receive these awesome prizes: pk tank, compact, koozie and your very own spot on the PK blog

Ready, set, go!

xx

Ellie  & the PK team

Men and Women can’t be friends… Sorry!

I love a good argument. It’s kinda bad. If I’m having drinks with friends it’s especially bad. It usually starts with a statement and I’ll find a side of arguing and won’t budge…even if there’s plenty of gray area in which I could compromise.  But no, arguing tends to be a sport for me: you either win or lose.

The point is I like to stir up a little controversy now and then. So hold on to your hats, because I have one to lay on ya…and I know at least half of you will disagree with me on this one.

An independent filmmaker went around Utah State asking people if men and women can be friends. After watching this video, I believe this guy is right: men and women can’t be just friends…

We’ve seen this answer to be true over and over in the movies: Friends with Benefits, No Strings Attached, Something Borrowed…the list goes on.

What do you think? What has your experience been with being just friends with guys (or even exes)?

P.S. (I actually concede to most things later…I’m really more open-minded than petty arguments, I promise).

pk2u,
Claire

Guest Blogger Valeka explores the power of Singleness

Today we’re welcoming back guest blogger, Valeka Cruz. I knew I liked her when we started flirting on Twitter… then she wrote me an email, telling me about her badass blog, thanking me for doing what we’re doing & explaining how we helped her get through her own tough heartbreak. I loved that she had the confidence to simply ask if she could write a guest blog, so I couldn’t resist. My response? “Absolutely, bombshell!” & I’m so thrilled I said yes. Boy, does she have some crazy powerful things to say. Read on, ladies, and be inspired.

xx,

ellie

So you are fresh out of a relationship and everywhere you look it seems that the entire world is in love and paired up. You wonder if you will ever be part of a duo again. You feel like there is a sign pinned to your chest saying “Look at me. I’m single.” Let’s face it – no one likes being alone but there is a lot of value to be found in being single. I’ve always been a big advocate of using the “solo time” to enrich and heal our inner selves. The time outside of a relationship is the perfect opportunity to grow and mend any hurts we may have encountered during our last foray into the dating/relationship arena.

First and foremost, let’s get over the concept of the word “single” as being bad, vulgar, or embarrassing. Single does not mean “alone.” Single means that you are an individual and aren’t bound to someone else. It means that you are “unattached.” That’s not such a terrible thing if you stop and think about it. No, really. Think about it. It means that your time is yours to use in any way that you choose. You have the chance to take your life in any direction you want. There is a lot of power in that. It’s the power of singleness.

Too many people (male and female) float from relationship to relationship because they have a fear of being alone. That fear causes people to enter relationships just for the sake of having someone in their lives. There is a huge difference between being with someone for A) companionship or love and B) because you want a band-aid. Option B is not only unfair to the other person involved but also, in the long run, to yourself.

Allowing some time to mend and to reacquaint ourselves with who we are is priceless. It ensures that any lingering negatives have been tagged, bagged and tossed out. It helps us to be the best version of US that we can possibly be. Have you ever dated someone that was clearly not over their ex or that carried with them the ghosts of relationships past? Fun, wasn’t it? Be a bigger person and don’t do that to anyone else. Never settle and never date someone “just because.”

Sometimes we forget who we are when we are in a relationship. We lose sight of the dreams and goals we once had for a multitude of reasons. What better time than your singleness to reignite those dreams! Look at this as a new beginning for the YOU that you have been missing. Get your own thing going!

Singleness is a time to empower yourself. Go back to school. Hit the gym. Have new adventures. See and do new things. Set new goals for yourself. Try things that you never before thought possible. I have a very dear friend that used her singleness to do more running. She had always wanted to run a marathon so she took full advantage of her solo time and fulfilled her dream a couple of months ago. Bettering yourself and expanding your world gives you more to offer the next person that may be worthy of a relationship with you. This time is for YOU. Do the things you want to do.

Use this time to strengthen your relationships with family and friends. They were the ones that helped hold you up when you went through the hard times so give them the love and attention that they deserve. Relationships with men may come and go but the ones you have with your friends and family will always be there. Take care of them. Nurture them. Value them.

And never, ever forget to have FUN! Get out in the world and live life to the fullest. Go on a vacation with your girlfriends or your family to a place you have never been before. Take a pottery or painting class. Experience the great outdoors. A year ago I went canoeing for the first time with a friend who had the unpleasant experience of having a guy she went out with a few times drop out of sight. She tried to contact him but she never heard from him again and she was bummed. It prompted her to try something new so she invited me along for an afternoon of canoeing. We had a blast! We laughed the entire time and found a new past time to enjoy!

Don’t let the fear of being single rob you of the chance to be your authentic self. Your future is wide open and limitless. Allow your singleness to be a time of self-discovery, self-reliance, self-assuredness, and self-motivation. Show the world the strong, independent woman that you are!

Guest blogger Valeka proves sometimes “it’s not ME, it’s you!”

guest blogger Claire has two words for you: Valentine Schmalentine

I knew there was something special about Claire Rodriguez when she wrote for us a while back, telling us about Mexico’s possible marriage “trial period.” She gets Pink Kisses, innately understands what we stand for and she even has special superpower: the ability to cheer anyone up.  It’s a crazy powerful thing, and you’ll see more of it as she continues to write for our blog.  She’s got some great perspective just n time for Valentine’s Day:

At this point, you can’t avoid it. There are floating red and pink hearts everywhere, the restaurants have posted their special V-day menu and the radio won’t stop suggesting what you should do (last minute) for your sweetie.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and I wanted to post a special note for you to get this commercial day off your back (with a little help from LaBelleVieDesign on Etsy):

Don’t let those shiny heart-shaped balloons get you down. There is nothing so incredibly special about this day that you’re missing out on. Besides, those balloons will be limp and lifeless soon anyway.

Take a cue from TODAY show’s lovely Kathie Lee:

“I’ve never loved Valentine’s Day. I think it’s kind of cruel…and I think it’s awfully expensive. You should be saying ‘I love you’ to that person in your life all the time. It’s just another time you have to spend money to prove to someone that you love them.”

It’s just another day. Share your love and care for the awesome people in your when you truly mean it or share a laugh over any other V-day gag gifts you might find. Who thought it was a good idea to give a flying baby in a diaper a bow & arrow anyway?

pk2u,

Claire

attagirl series: going from a “we” to a “me”

Holy cow, we’ve been taken over!

Every so often, we hand over the reins & let one of YOU take over our blog.  There’s so much incredible conversation going on in Bettyville, our shiny new community, that we want to share it. If you have something to say about your journey toward becoming a bombshell in the wake of a breakup, we want to hear it! You never know; you might end up being a special guest right here on blog-a-licious.

Check out these inspiring words from one of our incredible members, Cathy. She’s a bundle of energy, hilarious and unapologetically unique. She recently shared her tale of recovery & triumph, proving that the road to being a bombshell is not always a straight one, but the journey is worth it:

I was with my ex for a little over 5.5 years. We lived together for 5 of those years and amassed a fortune in cats – 4 all together! We upgraded our home, I encouraged him to try for the career he really wanted which he got. He ended up basically supporting me since he made so much more money but it was never an issue. It was always us – we were best friends and we laughed and joked and just generally enjoyed out life together.

One day back in June, he woke me up from a nap to break up with me. In one sentence, I was no longer an us – I was a me. At first, we tried to be really civil. We still have 3 months on our lease together and he said I didn’t have to go until I was ready. That worked for about a week……..when he got a new girlfriend. In the space of 4 weeks, I had to move out, learn to budget and stand on my own two feet. It was the saddest and most frightening time of my life. I was convinced I would never be happy again.

Well it’s been 6 months and while it hasn’t been smooth sailing the whole time, I am very happy! My roommate and I are great friends, I love getting to do my own thing without worrying about someone waiting for me at home. It’s also given me a lot of perspective about how much our relationship was dictated by him. I am starting to date again, and I think I have gained a much deeper understanding of who I am and what I want in a partner. Hang on bombshells, it gets better…

Remember: Life’s too short to spend it looking backwards. As we close out 2011 in the next few weeks, take a little time to think about all that you’ve learned from your past & the incredible opportunities you have in your future.

xx

ellie

guest blogger claire asks: will you marry me… for 2 years?

lessons from splitsville: celebrity edition

Quick!  Pretend you’re a publicist for a celebrity – let’s call her Barbie – who just went through a split, and it’s your job to draft up a statement for the press.  Go.

…done?  Great.  I’ll bet you wrote something like “Barbie asks that you respect her privacy during this difficult time” and “The couple remain friends.”  Am I right?  Because if you think back to every high-profile split in recent history that doesn’t involve mudslinging, that canned “friends” line always seems to make it into the news reports, whether it’s true or not.  It just sounds good, right?  Very storybook.  “Oh, we’re friends.  Really.  He’s great!  It wasn’t in the stars – we can still hang out – it’s just not like that anymore.”

OK, now think back to the last time you went through a breakup and tried to stay friends (in real life, with your non-famous ex. We’ve hopped out of Hollywood for a moment and snapped back to real life here). While you were in your “we’re still friends” phase and his name popped up on your phone, did you really react the same way you do when any other friend texts or calls, or did your heart still skip a beat?  How about when your phone buzzed and you thought it was him, but it turned out to be someone else?  Would your heart sink a little?  Would you start glancing over at it every few minutes, getting more and more aggravated as the minutes ticked by without him sending word?

What about when a new girl popped up on his Facebook page with flirtatious little wall posts?  Did you have the same reaction you would when a cute stranger pops up on one of your actual friends’ walls?  Did you feel a supportive little rush of excitement for him, or did you suffer a mild to moderate anxiety attack and send yourself into a tailspin?

Let’s be honest: when you’re friends with your ex, you’re not really friends with your ex.  You’re pretending to be friends with your ex, and in doing so, you’re giving him all sorts of power over you.  Sure, we earnestly want to keep our exes in our lives – partly because of the comfort level we established when we were together and the fact that we just miss them when they’re gone, and partly because it seems like the adult thing to do.  But when all it ultimately does is hurt us, the truly mature thing to do is call a spade a spade.

There’s never any reason for name-calling and tire-slashing, but really, let’s not kid ourselves when it comes to “staying on good terms.”  The absolute best way to stay on good terms with an ex is to wish him well and ensconce yourself in the protective coating of the no-contact rule.  It’s the only way to move on with grace and reclaim your happiness without him having any say in the matter.  The whole “the couple remain friends” thing serves but two purposes: in real life, it gives us an excuse to torture ourselves and incessantly press the bruise in the name of being a grown-up (when really, the emotional rollercoaster we’ve placed ourselves on is actually pretty childish) and in Hollywood, it gives celebrity publicists an excuse to end a statement gracefully and hang up on the gossip reporter hounding them about their clients’ personal lives.

Here’s a breath of fresh — and honest — air: Eva Longoria said in a recent interview that she and ex-husband Tony Parker are “on good terms,” but when asked if they still talk, her response was a simple “no.”  And who can blame her?  She’s moved on.  She seems happy.  And there’s nothing wrong with saying “I wish him well, but we’re not in contact anymore.”

So now, let’s pretend for a second you’re wildly famous, with a closet full of Louboutins, a glam squad and a team of advisers, managers and agents.  Pretend I’m your publicist. Let’s draft up a little statement about your recent breakup:

“(Your name) asks that her privacy be respected during this difficult time.  She and (dude’s name) are no longer in contact, but she wishes him the best.”

See, isn’t that a smarter truth to live with?  And won’t it help you restore the normal, healthy relationship you used to have with your phone… and your sanity… and your confidence?  We think so too.  Now let’s dig into that pile of scripts over there and find a new challenge to conquer.

sugar & spice & everything nice

I was falling down my daily rabbit hole of interesting blogs, articles, status updates and re-pins last week when something shiny caught my eye.  This video hinted at something I knew I needed to see, because… well, just look at it.

The film it references, Miss Representation, tackles the subject of how women are portrayed in the media, the messages we’re sending to young girls and the fact that we’re ignoring way too many opportunities to cultivate intelligence and individuality in our next generation of women.

I once did some blogging for a site called NerdGirls.com – an online community that encourages young girls to get excited about math, science and engineering.  A bunch of uber-smart engineering students – all females – and one of their professors at Tufts University launched the site when they looked around and realized how vastly outnumbered they were in their industry. They were spurred on by the fact that in America, although boys and girls are neck-and-neck in math and science aptitude scores in elementary school, girls’ scores begin dropping dramatically in middle school while boys continue to excel in those subjects. That gap has gone unchecked, and it shows in an engineering workforce dramatically dominated by men.  When I first came into contact with NerdGirls, I thought to myself, “I was absolutely fascinated by science until… yep, about 7th grade.  And then for some reason I lost interest, and nobody fostered my love of it anymore.”

Likewise, the promo reel for Miss Representation declares: “Little boys and little girls, when they’re seven years old – in equal number – want to be President of the United States when they grow up. But then you ask the same question when they’re 15 and you see this massive gap emerging…” meaning that somewhere in middle school, a lot of girls are giving up on their dreams.

You know what?  That pisses me off.

I’ve been lucky.  I’ve had an amazing father, close friendships with boys, and relationships with guys who may not have ultimately been right for me but were at least generally respectful of me as a person.  Thanks to awesome parents and some pretty amazing teachers, I grew up believing I could be anything I wanted to be.  I consider myself a “child of the Madonna generation” – basically, I feel like most of us who were in school in the 80’s grew up with the understanding that we didn’t have to sacrifice our femininity for success; that we didn’t have to be meek and mild, or sweet and silent, or anything anyone limited us to, really.  We could be whatever we wanted when we grew up, because the sky was the limit.

I wonder, though, how many other girls grew up with that same perspective, and how many young girls feel that way today.  Make no mistake about it: as a society, we sexualize girls at a really young age in the entertainment industry, and sometimes I wonder how much more self-conscious school-age girls are these days compared to, say, 1989, when I was bopping around Hendricks Day School in my neon scrunchie, listening to my New Kids on the Block cassette tapes.  We send a lot of mixed messages to girls, and it must be tough for them to cut through all the hyper-self-promotional YouTube clutter and decipher that it’s okay to be smart, strong and unapologetic about it.  I often joke that if I ever have a daughter, I kind of want to home-school her, control her web access with an iron fist and keep her in a bubble until she’s 30, even though I don’t really consider that to be anything close to good parenting.  But… truth?  I’m only half-kidding.

Last month, JC Penney got into a bit of hot water over a t-shirt they were selling.  It was available in their juniors department, and it said, “I’m too pretty to do homework, so my brother has to do it for me.”  Insert eye roll here.  Long story short, the public freaked out, the shirts were pulled from shelves, and the company admitted the message was inappropriate.  But riddle me this: how did that shirt ever make it onto the shelves in the first place?

Around here, we’re not anti-men.  We’re not anti-relationships.  We’re all about treating ourselves and one another with respect and enjoying the differences across genders without placing one above another.  But it has to be said: we worry sometimes about the patterns of low self-esteem we see in so many of the emails we receive from girls out there who are facing a tough time in their lives and feel worthless.  The thing is, each and every one of us has something to contribute.  It’s never too late to pick up an old passion and cultivate it into something awesome.  It’s never too late to rebuild your self-confidence.

I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was five years old, yet I stopped writing for almost the entirety of a 6-year relationship in my 20’s because he didn’t get it… didn’t foster it… didn’t encourage me.  In retrospect, that’s no excuse.  Later, I dated someone who pointed out what a big vocabulary I have, and although he said he thought it was cool, I could tell it freaked him out a little and wound up subconsciously using simpler word choices whenever we were together so I wouldn’t emasculate him.  For the record, that one was my bad, too.  My takeaway from those two relationships is this: I’ll never let it happen again.  Never again in my life will I let the people around me push down something I was meant to do, intentionally or otherwise.  If I’m lacking inspiration or support, I’ll make a point of finding some.

If there’s a part of you that you’re suppressing in the hopes of catching someone’s eye – if there’s a talent you’re hiding because you don’t want to freak someone out – if you are even for one nanosecond downplaying your intelligence, your individuality, or your general awesomeness because you don’t know how someone else is going to take it, stop.  Stop right now.  Chase your dreams without apology, and while you’re at it, find a little girl and give her some encouragement.  For all you know, it may be the only “attagirl” she’s gotten in a really long time, and you can be the one to give it to her.  Set an example for everyone around you by living the life you’re supposed to be living… the kind in which you get to be whoever you want and shine as brightly as you please.

PK2U,

Amy

let’s do the time warp again

A year ago today, I broke up with someone with whom I’d just started getting kind of serious, and it ripped me apart a lot more than I thought it would.  I’ve written about it a smidge here and there over the past 12 months, but today, when I look back on that particular night when it ended, I have to shake my head at how absolutely broken I was over the whole thing.  In retrospect, it’s almost sort of silly, even though my feelings at the time were real.

There’s a day in the Betty Plan, toward the end, where we instruct you to write a letter to yourself.  The point is to think back to your lowest moment after your breakup and write words of encouragement to that past version of you, who could most definitely use a little reassurance that she’s going to be okay.  Today, exactly one year after my last breakup, I’ve got some news to share with the 2010 edition of myself.  Here goes:

Oh hi there.  This is you from the future. No, this isn’t a joke.  I’m writing you because… well, being from the future and all, I know what’s about to happen in your life.  I want to give you fair warning about the crap that’s about to go down… but to ease the burn, I also want to blow your mind a little.

Some kid is going to break your heart tonight.   You just had an amazing time in New York with him, but now, kaboom — it’s about to be over.  It sucks.  You’re going to spend the next few weeks kicking yourself, frustrated, wondering what the hell was wrong with you for thinking he might be there for the long haul.  But soon enough you’ll figure out what the problem was: he really was genuinely just a kid.  A nice kid, but a KID.  Seriously, Aim.  He’s got a lot of growing up to do, and you’ve known it from the start.

You’re always talking about how short life is, and that’s precisely why you’re going to call it off tonight, even though it’s the last thing you want to do.  But listen: you’re doing the right thing.  Sure, you’re going to regret it for a little while, and it’s going to hurt like hell — but eventually the regret will be replaced with perspective, which is a much nicer thing to have in the end.

In the meantime, let me give you a little preview of what’s about to happen (after tonight and the next few weeks, that is, because there’s no use in reliving that all over again.  Trust me.)

You’re going to do some cool stuff this year. You’re going to accomplish things in the next twelve months that you never thought you could.  Your emotional and intellectual limits are going to be tested, and you’re going to rise to the occasion.

If we’re being honest, you’re going to screw some things up, too, so brace yourself. I’d really love it if you wouldn’t have too much wine at Pedram’s party next week and drunk-text the ex like a total amateur even though you are the creative director for a site whose sole purpose it is to help girls get over breakups AND ENCOURAGE THEM NOT TO DO DUMB THINGS LIKE DRUNK TEXT THE EX.  But hey.  You’re only going to do it once, and then you’re going to smack yourself for it, and then you’re going to move on like you’ve got some sense. So, just… yeah.  Let’s keep right on going, because he doesn’t get to take up any more of your time than he already has.

Here’s a big one: you’re going to spend Christmas this year completely on your own. Before you freak out, though, let me assure you: it’s going to be a defining moment in your life, and the coolest part is, you’ll realize it as it’s happening.  You’ll start your new year off right and sail into a period of redefinition that you’ll someday look back on with fondness.  You’re strong.  You’re resilient.  And you’re about to prove it to yourself, yet again.

Five months from now, you’re finally going to learn to ride a bike.  It’s going to look ridiculous, and yes, there will be pictures (sorry).

Also five months from now, you’re going to get bangs… like, full-on bangs, all the way across your forehead.  You’re going to be excited about it for approximately a day and a half, and then… well, let’s never do that again.  Not as a blonde, anyway.

Nine months from now, in one of your more spaztastic moments, just when you think you couldn’t possibly look like more of an ass, someone’s going to tell you you’re adorable.  And let me tell you something: that someone is cuuuute.

Almost a year from today, you’re going to read an article from Mindy Kaling that is going to make you damn near pee yourself from laughing so hard… it’s about what it’s like to go from dating boys to dating actual, honest-to-god men.  Real ones, with mortgages and character and plans for the future, and the ability to tell you straight up when they think you’re wrong without being a jerk about it, not to mention the ability to tell you how amazing they think you are and mean it, without turning tail and running away afterward.  You deserve one of those. And I don’t want to ruin it for you since I know you love surprises, but let me just say this: I’m pretty sure you’re going to get one.

The most important thing you’re going to do this year, though, is write your face off.  It’s what you were put on this earth to do, and you know it.  So snap open that MacBook (I’ll be through with it in just a second and then it’s all yours again) and get crackin’.  We’ve got some cool-ass stuff to do, you and I.  So let’s do it.

-amy